


i wonder (if you wonder about me too)

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Friends to Lovers, How Do I Tag, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, This Is STUPID, i don't know how to tag it tbh, plot? I don't think so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-03 02:25:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6592795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey's life was simple; living in a mansion, cleaning and doing what she was asked for. She finally had her own bed and three meals every day.<br/>It was good. It was enough.<br/>But then the son of her employers appeared and Rey discovered that the world had more to offer than just surviving.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I can't control my feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Soo... this is my first take on finnrey and I have a feeling like this story isn't too good but I had fun writing it so yeah, I'll give it a try. Also, English is not my first language so you can expect some mistakes.
> 
> ('Wonder' by Lauren Aquilina)

 

Rey sighed and fixed her stubborn hair that clearly didn’t want to be braided into a tight bun. But her job had its requirements and Rey had to wear an uniform and to have her hair pulled back. Rey never complained about that; it was her job, a job that was giving her a place to stay and enough money to buy food and clothes. So her look didn’t really matter, not to her anyway.

Rey wasn’t sure if the word servant was a proper description for what was she doing. She was cleaning, serving and helping in the kitchen. So maybe yeah, she was a servant, a maid, and what? It was just another word she wasn’t using, the word that belonged to  _ their _ world, not hers.

She was living in the mansion for two months and she liked it. She loved the fact that she could escape from the past and that she had a place to stay, so far away form a bad memories she left behind in London. 

Rey had never expected to find a shelter like that but there she was, in a stunning mansion, surrounded by hills and fields. Everythig was so fresh, so much more alive than in London. She liked that small village she was living in now with its tiny stores and trees everywhere. And people... people seemed to be so kind, with open faces and bright eyes; but Rey had been through too much to let herself fully trust someone. So she liked them, talked with them and smiled but she had that feeling that she would never trust anyone.

But things were finnally starting to seem good and Rey just wanted too keep that shelter fir as long as she could.

When she entered the kitchen she found Maz, who was putting something into an owen. Rey narrowed her eyes with surprise. Baking at seven in the morning? Mr ans mrs Solo weren’t big fans of sweets so what was the occasion?

‘What’s happening?’ she asked curiously.

‘Finn’s coming.’ Maz said with a smile and Rey narrowed her eyes at a foreign name. She didn’t know anyone with a name like that.

And then she remembered.

Rey had never met Finn in person; it was her second month in the mansion and he hadn’t visited in that period. She remembered that he had been adopted at the age of five and she felt a sting of jealousy deep in her heart. It just didn’t seem to be fair, she was an orphan just like him but he was the lucky one. And it wasn’t fair that he had everything while she had to fight for getting just enough to survive. 

Rey shook her head, knowing that she was being unfair. She didn’t even know him and who she was to judge him? 

Although she didn’t hear about him much; everybody always said the same, that he was kind and sweet person but at the same time there was something else in their eyes, that strange glimpse of sadness. Rey never wanted to know more; it was none of her business.

‘Rey, could you check Finn’s room? I guess it’s pretty dusty in there.’ Maz asked and Rey nodded, heading to grab some cleaning appliances.

Rey knew the mansion pretty well but she had never been in Finn’s bedroom before and now she was kinda curious what it would look like. And when she opened the door she couldn’t help but feel a bit surprised because it was nothing she had expected. There was no colorful posters, no machines straight from a gym. And no electric guitar.

The room was nice, very nice, Rey had to admit; it was spacious and so... calm. The walls were painted in a nice, soft shade of green which was making the room look cosy. The view behind a big window was pretty nice too; she could see the garden and the village a few miles away. And again, Rey felt that tiny sting of jealousy. Sure, she was grateful for her room in the mansion- it was small but clean and her own- but still...

Rey sighed and made her way to the bed. She had to change a linen and she wanted to do it quickly because she had a feeling that the day would be busy.

‘Rey, my dear, could you come here for a moment?’ she heard from the living room as she was walking down the corridor.

‘Good morning, mrs Leia.’ she said and the woman smiled at her.

‘Could you go to Chewie and ask him to cut some flowers for me? I’d like to decorate the dining table.’

‘Of course.’ Rey nodded.

Rey liked mrs Leia. She was a beautiful, kind woman who hadn’t hesitated to give her a chance although she was just a girl from nowhere. She had given her a job and a place to stay and Rey couldn’t be more grateful. 

She found Chewie in the garden, hiding from the already hot weather in a shadow. Rey wasn’t surprised at all when she spotted mr Solo right next to the gardener. They were like best friends; Rey heard that they were growing up together.

‘Good morning mr Solo, Chewie.’ she smiled slightly ‘I’m sorry for interrupting but mrs Leia asked me to bring her some flowers.’

‘Sure.’ Chewie stood up slowly; he had troubles with his back and he couldn’t move too fast ‘I’ll be back in a minute, Han.’

‘Sure.’ mr Solo waved his hand and then focused his eyes on Rey’s face ‘You should use some sunscreen, kiddo, we don’t want you to get a sunburn.’ he said with a smirk but Rey knew that it was all because of sympathy. Han Solo was a good man although he didn’t want people to know that.

She followed Chewie to the other part of the garden when he bend over the flowers, cutting them carefully and handing them to Rey.

‘I found an old bicycle in the garage.’ Chewie said suddenly, his eyes still focused on the flowers ‘You can take it if you want, no one’s using it anymore.’

Rey blinked, stunned. She had never had a bike. Hell, the only things she ever owned were a few clothes and a small box of books. When she had been a kid a bike was a symbol of freedom and now she was going to have one.

‘Really?’ she asked, sure that it was too good to be true.

‘Sure.’ Chewie shrugged his shoulders ‘I’m pretty sure Finn’s not going to use it anymore.’

‘So it was his?’

‘Yeah.’

Rey hesitated for a moment; she didn’t want to be nosy but suddenly she felt intrigued by that mysterious guy. She would have to live with him under one roof so she wanted to know something more than ‘nice and kind’.

‘How’s he?’ she asked carefully but with knowledge that Chewie would be honest. He was just that kind of person.

The man didn’t answer immediately, paying attention to the flowers. After a minute, he finally spoke.

‘He’s a good person, probably better than a lot of us.’ he said and Rey was a bit surprised by his words ‘But he’s been through a lot.’

‘You mean that he was adopted?’

‘That too.’

Rey waited for him to continue but he didn’t. He handed her the last flower and stood up.

‘Here you go, kid.’ 

‘Thank you.’ Rey said and headed back to the house, feeling curiosity growing stronger and stronger.

 


	2. I can't control my thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uff, I'm sorry it took me so long to uptade but I have a terrible writers block and I was struggling a bit with this chapter (I know it's short and a bit boring but it'll get better, promise).

 

The day, to Rey’s surprise, wasn’t as busy as she was expecting it to be. Mrs Leia just asked him to prepare a nice dinner for four people. 

‘Who’s the fourth guest?’ Rey asked Maz who was standing on the other side of a kitchen table, cutting tomatoes for a salad.

‘I’m sure it’s Poe.’ Maz answered, moving a knife with precision ‘Could you cut for me a few onions?’

‘Of course.’ Rey grabben a knife and started working ‘Who’s Poe?’

‘Finn’s best friend. They’re like brothers, pretty much inseparable.’ Maz said; she was smiling but Rey noticed a shadow flashing through her face. 

It was a strange concept for Rey, strange and unfamiliar, to be so close with someone. Rey always had to do everything alone, caring only about herself, with no one byt her side. Because she had learned very quickly that if she wanted to survive she had too keep her distance because if something was inseparable it was closeness and danger. And she didn’t mind that because she was pretty sure that she was stronger by her own. 

Her eyes already started watering which was incredibly annoying. 

‘How long Finn has been away?’ Rey asked, bliking the tears away. She hated crying, she hated tears because they were a sign of weakness and in her world, the world she had been growing up she wasn’t allowed to be weak.

Maz’s knife stopped for a second as if she hesitated what should she say.

‘Almost four months.’ she finally said.

‘Long.’ Rey noticed, wiping tears with the back of her hand.

‘Indeed.’ Maz said but she didn’t say anything more and Rey didn’t want to ask because she didn’t want to be nosy. But she had to admit to herself that she was really curious about Finn; why he had been away for so long? What had happened? 

Rey knew that she should mind her business, like she always did. She was never really interested in the other people’s life, too focused on her own problems, but time it was different. Because she finally found a safe place, a good place, and she just wanted to be sure that no one would take that away from her.

They finished preparing food in silence and when they were done it was a bit after 5pm. 

‘Thank you, Rey, I think that we’ve everything.’ Maz smiled at her warmly ‘I guess you can go and rest, I’ll take care of the rest.’

‘Are you sure? I’d be happy to help.’ Rey said; she didn’t want Maz to do all the work.

‘I’m sure.’

‘Okay, but I’ll help you with preparing the table.’ Rey insisted and Maz smiled even wider.

‘All right.’

The garden behind the mansion was vast and beautiful, full of trees and flowers and a lot of tiny places Rey could hide and enjoy fresh air and beautiful weather. So when she was done with helping Maz she rushed to the garden; she had her favourite spot, a small wooden bench hidden between a few old oaks. It was in the dephts of the garden, in a close proximity of a short stone wall which was build on the border of Solo’s land. She sat on a bench- warm from a sharp sunlight- and she took a deep breath, watching blurred hills in a distance. She would got o them, someday.

The sun was only an inches above the line of the horizon, and she closed her eyes, enjoying the last minutes of a day. She liked country so much better than city; she remembered summers in London, where the air was thick with pollution and noises. Her thoughts drifted to a flat she had been living in, a dangerous place which was too hot in summer and freezing in winter. 

Rey shook her head, trying to get of unpleasant memories. It was all left behind and she had a new ife now. Better one, in which she didn’t have to crave for survival.

Suddenly she heard quiet footsteps behind her and her instincts kicked in immediately, making her got up quickly and turning around to face the intruder, her whole body tensed and ready to defense if needed.

But when she laid her eyes on him she forgot about her instincts for a moment.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t want to scare you.’ 

He was about her age, only a bit taller than her, with dark skin and eyes which were strangely reminding her of autumn. He was smiling at her, wide and honest, and Rey somehow knew that he wouldn’t hurt her.

‘It’s okay.’ she finally said, watching him carefully ‘I just didn’t expect anyone here.’

His smile widened as he took a step towards her and she had to fight with an instinct to make a step back.

‘It’s one of my favourite places. Oh, right, I haven’t introduced myself. I’m Finn.’ 

So it was him. Rey had to admit that she seemed to be nice, with his broad smile and warm sparkles in his eyes. Yeah, he totally looked nice.

‘Do I have something on my face?’ Finn asked jokingly and Rey blinked quickly, realizing that she was probably staring.

‘Um, no, sorry. I’m Rey.’ she said quickly; she wanted to add something, explain who she was, but the word  _ servat _ suddenly felt wrong.

‘It’s nice to meet you, Rey.’ Finn said lightly; apparently knowing just her name was enough for him.

He opened his mouth as if he wanted do say something more but suddenly Chewie appeared from behind the trees, shaking his head with a half smile.

‘Here you are. Everyone’s waiting for you.’

‘Yeah, I’m coming. I just wanted to visit my favourite spot.’

Rey spotted how Chewie hesitated for a second before he spoke again.

‘Poe’s there too.’

Something flashed through Finn’s face quickly and Rey couldn’t tell if it was pain, anger or sadness, or all of them. But there was definitely something, a thing he was trying to hide inside.

‘Okay.’ Finn nodded and gave Rey another smile ‘It was nice to meet you, Rey.’ he said once again and left with Chewie by his side.

Rey slowly sat down on the bench, watching orange sun grazing the hills with it’s brigh light. So she finally met him,the mysterious Finn, and he seemed to be just what people said he was. 

But Rey didn’t care what people seemed to be because the only thing that mattered was who they really were. And she could already tell that Finn was so much more than he seemed to be but she wasn't sure if she wanted to know more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for encouraging comments and kudos, they mean a lot to me.


	3. I'm staring at the ceiling, wondering how I got so caught

 

It was dark outside when Rey come back to the kitchen. It seemed that the dinner was over; there was a high pile of dirty dishes on a table. Maz was nowhere to be seen so Rey decided that she would clean up by herself.

She quickly got used to all the house activities; washing, cleaning, preparing a table- it was all easy to do. But she definitely still needed some practice with cooking- and baking was still one scary mystery- but she was sure that she would get to that point soon. Everythig was a matter of work and practice. 

Washing didn’t took long and Rey felt how her stomach clenched. It was late and she had every right to be hungry- well, she was hungry for most of the time. One more amazing thing about mrs Leia- she was absolutely fine with Rey eating everything from a fridge.  _ You’re so skinny, my child, you should eat more  _ she was saying with warm concern that was bringing Rey a feeling of overwhelming gratitude. It was something new, to have people who actually seemed to care about her. It felt surprisingly good but at the same time it was making Rey feel a bit nervous. She wasn’t used to being close with another people, to be... attached. It felt nice but at the same time it was scaring her.

Rey grabbed a plate of leftovers and started to eat. It was all so good. so full with flavours; Rey flinched when she remembered what she had had to eat not so long time before, is she ever had had a chance to eat. Too many times she had been forced to go to sleep with emptyness in her stomach and dull pain in her head.

‘You should try Maz’s cake, it’s spectacular.’

Rey almost choked up when she heard and unfamiliar voice. She turned around rapidly to see a man stading at the kitchen door.

She had to admit that he was ridiculosuly good- looking. Dark hair, beautiful eyes and wide smile. Rey usually felt uneasy in a presence of men with easy smiles and smooth words but now she was feeling a bit more confident than usual.

She felt a little awkward, sitting like that in her plain dark dress and with a last bit of food sti in her mouth. She swallowed quickly and stood up, bringing a smile on her face. 

‘Can I help you?’ official tone of her voice didn’t suit his smile.

The man shrugged his shoulders. 

‘Just came for a cake.’ he said with an honest smile and Rey’s own smile widened a bit. She grabbed a plate from a counter and put it on the table.

‘Here you go.’ 

‘Thanks.’ he made his way to the table and sat down; Rey was still standing, unsure what to do. Should she go and leave him?

‘Please, sit down.’ he said, like he could read her mind ‘I like company.’ 

Rey sat down slowly.’

‘Oh, I have terrible manners.’ he flashed her another smile ‘Do you want some?’

‘No, thank you.’

‘What’s your name?’ he asked, watching her with curiosity.

‘I’m Rey.’ she said after a short moment of hesitation.

‘Poe Dameron. It’s pleasure to meet you.’ 

It clicked.

‘You’re Finn’s friend.’ Rey said without thinking and she noticed with surprise a flinch of pain on his face but a second later he was smiling again; just like Finn in the garden. 

‘Yeah.’ he nodded and focused on his cake again but it seemed like he lost his appetite.

Silence started to be a bit uncomfortable so Rey decided she would go; she could find Maz and check if she didn’t need her for anything. But then Poe’s voice- quiet and unfitting- stopped her.

‘Have you done something so terrible that you know you’ll never forgive yourself?’

She froze when she hear his words, filled with sadness and hidden hurt, it didn’t fit his smile and warm eyes. 

But he wasn’t smiling anymore. 

Rey didn’t know what to say so she was just staring at Poe awkwardly with an empty head unti a few moments later Maz entered, singing quietly some happy song.

‘Oh, you’re here.’ she said with a slight surprise when she spotted Poe.

‘I was craving more that cake of yours.’ Poe said with a charming smile like nothing had happened ‘Rey was kind enough to give me a piece.’

Well, he was a good actor. 

‘So you’ve met Rey.’ Maz was clearly pleased.

‘It was a pleasure.’ Poe said and Rey felt that he was being honest ‘But I’m afraind I need to run.’ he added, standing up.

Something like sadness flashed in Maz’s eyes. 

‘Visit us soon.’ she said quietly. Poe looked at her for a moment; then he nodded and left, a bit too quickly than needed.

Rey almost asked Maz what the hell was happening and why almost everyone had that strange sadness hidden in their eyes but she bit her tongue. Maz was drowned in her thoughts and Rey reminded herself again that she shouldn’t be nosy. She should mind her business like she always did. But curiosity was growing stronger and stronger and Rey wondered if she actually reached the point when she started to care too much than she should.

Rey couldn’t sleep.

She always had a light sleep, constantly ready to sense any threats. When she had arrived to the mansion she started to sleep a bit better, falling asleep easily and not waking up in the middle of the night. 

But now she just couldn’t sleep again.

Her room was nice; bright rosy walls and white ceiling were making it look cosy and safe.

One nice, comfortable bed with thick blankets- and she had her own pillow, for the first time in her life.A small desk, a wardrobe. Maybe it wasn’t a lot, but it was enough, more than enough. Of course Rey knew that she didn’t own that room but she felt pretty safe in there. It was more that she had ever had.

Rey sighed quietly and got up from the bed. Maybe fresh air would clear help mind. Summer nights were pretty warm so her pyjama were enough for taking a quick breath outside.

She rushed quietly through dark corridors until she reached a back door. She stepped onto a back porch, wooden desks chilly under hare bare feet. Rey closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. The air was so fresh it immediately made her feel better. 

‘You can’t sleep too?’

She knew that voice. Rey opened her eyes and spinned around to see Finn sitting on the floor a few metres away. Seriously, what was with that day and unexpected meetings?

She didn’t answer right away but Finn didn’t seem to mind.

‘It’s good to be home.’ he said quietly, mostly to himself. 

It would be nice to have a home. Rey wasn’t cynical about it but she knew that the place she had been growing up in couldn’t be called home.

‘You should go back inside, it’s cold.’ Finn said and Rey knew it wasn’t because he didn’t want her company. There was a friendly concern in his eyes and Rey nodded silently. She was almost inside when she turned around to look at Finn.

‘You should come inside. It’s pretty cold out here.’ her voice sounded soft, softer than she inteded but surprisingly, she didn’t mind.

Finn chuckled quietly and that sound was light and bright.

She fell asleep easily. 

 


	4. You're completely off limits, for more reasons than just one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Sorry for the long wait, everything's prett crazy right now. Thank you all for your lovely comments, you keep me going :) Hope you enjoy!

 

It was surprising how quickly Rey got used to Finn’s presence. It was only a few days but she barely remembered how life in the mansion looked like without him. He was bright and nice, and he was like a missing piece to that house and to all the people that lived in it. 

Rey usually didn’t like people like him, people with big smiles and loud laugh, but there was something different about him, something what was making her smile a little when he was talking about something, his hands flying in the air and face comically serious. And for the most important thing, she believed that he was honest, in everything what he was doing. And honesty was one of the things she valued the most. Of course she wasn’t naive; she didn’t know him, almost at all, but she had a sixth sense about people. And she had a surprisingly good feeling about Finn.

Now, Finn was moving suspuciosuly slowly but steadily towards a fridge.

‘Can I help you, Finn?’ Maz asked with raised eyebrows and Rey almost chuckled at the look on Finn’s face.

‘Nope, nope, I’m good right here.’ he said and Rey wanted to laugh at how bad at lying he was.

‘You’re a grown up man, you can survice until dinner.’ Maz said but her eyes were smiling.

Finn made a face and sighed dramatically, turning around to leave the kitchen.

‘Rey, could you go to the village and do some grocery shopping for me? I need to take care of new curtains.’

‘Of course.’ Rey said but she sighed internally. It wasn’t like she was lazy or something; but the day was so hot and it wasn’t even 1pm. She already knew that walking with heavy bags in both hands would be exhausting. 

‘I’ll go with you.’ she heard suddenly and she blinked in surprize when she realized that those were Finn’s words. She was sure he had left but apparently she was wrong.

‘You don’t have to, I’ll be fine.’ she said quickly because it seemed like a righ thing to say.

‘I have no doubt in that.’ Finn grinned ‘But I’m coming anyway.’

Rey glared at a list Maz gave her and she was suddenly very pleased that she wouldn’t have to bear it all by herself.

‘So, Rey’ Finn said lightly as they were slowly walking back the mansion ‘what are you doing here?’

She knew that he had good intentions but her arms tensed a bit at his question. She didn’t like to talk about herself. 

‘Work.’ she said, hoping that he wouldn’t find it offensive. She glared at Finn and noticed that he narrowed his eyes a little but he was still smiling.

‘Right.’ he said ligtly. He didn’t say anything more and Rey was grateful for that but only for a moment. Because suddenly she thought that she prefered to listen to his voice rather than walking in silence. Which was strange becasue she liked silence, they were practically best friends.

‘You weren’t home for a long time.’ she said finally and immediately cursed herself because really, it just sounded stupid to her. But Finn apparently seemed to think the other way because he gave her a light smile.

‘Yeah, four months.’ 

‘Were you travelling?’ Rey asked and there it was again, that quick shadow in his eyes but it was gone in a blink.

‘A bit. I spend a lot of time in Switzerland.’ 

‘Nice.’ it was all Rey said; she was jealous, sure. She would love to go to Switzerland, to see all these woods and lakes, and mountains. Rey really, really loved mountains; shame she hadn’t climbed any summit yet.

The rest of the walk was silent but it didn’t feel as awkward as a few minutes earlier. It was nice and comfortable and Rey had a brief thought that she maybe could get used to that.

It was such a relief to hide inside the cool kitchen. It was only a beggining of summer and it was already so hot outside that Rey was wondering how would they survive next weeks. Yet again she was glad she wasn’t in London anymore.

Rey opened a fridge and pulled out a jug with blackcurrant juice; she wanted to pour a cup for her and Finn because her throat was pretty dry. But when she turned around to put in on a table she collided with Finn who was standing a bit too close than she remembered.

‘Oh my... I’m so sorry!’ she said as she was watching in horror a big stain on Finn’s light shirt. It was so embarassing and unfrotunate, Rey wanted to disappear.

But Finn, of course, smiled at her slightly but honestly.

‘It’s okay. I didn’t like this shirt anyway, I should thank you.’

His words meant to make her better but his kindness just made Rey feel worse.

‘I can try to wash it but you need to take it off.’ she said but she noticed with surprise that Finn took a small step back.

‘Nah, it’s fine.’ he said but his smile seemed to be a bit forced.

‘But...’ Rey tried once again, still feeling guilty.

‘It’s fine, Rey, really.’ Finn said and then almost rushed off the kicthen, leaving her utterly confused.

Rey was spending the afternoon in the garden, helping Chewie with removing weeds from flowerbeds. She liked it although the sun was really making it a bit exhausting. She hadn’t seen Finn since that incident in the kitche and she didn’t know what to think. Maybe he was angry with her but he didn’t want to show it? Because why had he run away so quickly? And why hadn’t he wanted her to clean his shirt up? It was strange and she couldn’t get that out of her mind. She glared at Chewie who was working a few steps away. He knew Finn well, maybe he would tell her something. She wasn’t nosy, she was just concerned.

‘Hey Chewie’ she started and the gardener turned his head to look at her ‘what’s the matter with Finn?’

‘What do you mean?’ Chewie asked, slightly narrowing his eyes and Rey felt a bit unsure. But she had to keep going.

‘I mean, he’s really nice and all.’ she said honestly ‘But sometimes he acts... a bit weird. Not in a bad way, just...’ she stopped, not sure what to say more. 

Chewie sighed quietly and focused on his flowers again. He was silent for a long moment and Rey was sure he wouldn’t say anything but then he spoke quietly.

‘It’s not really my thing to tell you, kid.’ he said and Rey could hear sadness in his voice ‘But you’ll find out, sooner or later. Just not from me.’

‘I’d prefer sooner.’ Rey mumbled quietly. She had nothing against secrets if they couldn’t affect her life but this time she wanted to find out what was going on.

They were working in silence for almost an hour when Chewie looked at her and spoke with concern i his voice.

‘You can go and rest a bit, Rey, I can finish it by myself. You look a bit tired.’

‘I’m fine.’ she said although he was right; her head hurt a little but it wasn’t so bad.

’Rey.’ Chewie just said and she shivered a bit. She was still not used to people who actually seemed to care about her.

‘Alright then.’ she said, standing up ‘Thank you.’ she flinched a bit because the sudden movement made her head hurt a bit more. Apparently Chewie saw that because he looked at her with sympathy in his eyes.

‘There’s some aspirin in the blue bathroom.’ he said and Rey nodded with a slight smile.

The mansion had three bathrooms and the blue one was placed right in front of Finn’s room. Rey had been there a few times to clean it up but she had no idea where medicines were. She would have to look.

Luckily there was no one in the blue bathroom so Rey enetered it and closed the door behind her. She looked around but she didn’t see anything. She checked a shelf next to the mirror but there was nothing as well. Then she opened a drawer under a sink and her eyes widened.

The drawer was filled with little bottles and boxes. Rey examined a few of them and found a lot of really strong painkillers and some medicines with long and complicated names. There was also a ridiculously big box of bandages. It was so strange because everyone in the mansio seemed to be examples of perfect health. So why did the need the whole pharmacy?

Rey closed her eyes and rubbed her sore temple when suddenly the door opened with a quiet sound and she spinned around to meet Finn’s surprised face.

 


	5. But I can't stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait but my university's keeping me busy and I've a little troubles with my health so writing takes me a bit longer than usual. I'll try to update weekly :)

 

Rey froze, suddenly unable to move or to say anything. She wanted to explain herself but the word wer caught in her throat. Finn was looking at her and surprise disappeared from his face and Rey saw. with a clench of her heart, a slight look of betrayal. But he didn’t say anything either and Rey felt uncomfortable under his gaze; he looked a bit like she had just slapped him and all air escaped Rey’s lungs at this sight. 

‘I just...’ she finally managed to say, words leaving her mouth with surprising difficulty ‘I was looking for some aspirine.’ it sounded weak and unconvincing in her own ears and that made her feel angry; she wasn’t someone weak and helpless but right now she felt like that. And now, under Finn’s gaze, she felt something inside her, like a short sting in her chest, and she had never felt something like that beforee.

So she was confused and a bit lost and she just wanted Finn to say something. 

And after the whole eternity, he finally did.

‘Okay.’ Finn said simply, his voice slightly different than usual and Rey absolutely hated the distance in his eyes. He glared at the opened drawer and then he looked at Rey again and she could see that he was making a decision. Then he moved quietly and grabbed something from a little basket on one of the shelfs ‘Here.’

Rey took it and suddenly she was unable to look at him, so he focused on a small bottle in her hand. Aspirine. She was waiting for him to leave but instead of that he surprised her, saying ‘Could you come with me?’

Rey finally found enough courage to look at him and she discovered that he wasn’t angry. He looked... sad, but not mad. She thought that she would prefer to see his anger beacause a slight hurt on his face was making her feel really, really bad. She nodded silently and he turned around without saying anything.

Rey followed Finn down the stairs and outside, to the garden. It didn’t take long and they were standing next to the familiar bench, hills in front of them golden in the low lights of the afternoon. Finn sat down with his eyes glued to the horizon and Rey joined him carefully, after a moment of hesitation. 

They were sitting in silence for a moment and despite all the confusion she was feeling she felt somehow peaceful. But she still was feeling uneasy, concern creeping into her mind. Seriously, she had never really cared what people were thinking about her but that time was different because Finn was different from everyone she had ever met. He was kind and funny, and treated her like an actual human being and not someone worse than him. 

‘I’m sorry, Rey.’ Finn said suddenly and she gasped quietly, suprrised. Why the hell was he apologizing? She turned her face to him but he was still focused on the landscape in front of him.

‘For what?’ she asked because she had a strange feeling that she was the one who should apologize. 

Finn shrugged his shoulders like he wasn’t sure what to say.

‘We don’t know each other long but I’ve a feeling I should’ve told you earlier.’ 

‘What do you mean?’ Rey asked, feeling utterly confused.

Finn sighed quietly and finally looked at her, his eyes warm as always but filled with sadness.

‘I knew that I would have to tell you, eventually. But I didn’t want to becasuse when I do people never... they always treat me differently after that.’ 

‘I won’t.’ she said quickly because really, she couldn’t imagine anything that would change her mind about him. Well, maybe if he was a murderer, but nothing beside that.

‘Okay, so... You’ve met Poe, right?’

‘Yes.’ Rey nodded, wondering what Poe had to do with all of that.

‘So Poe and I, we were- we still are, I guess- best friends. Since the first day we were practically inseparable.’ Rey smiled at his words a bit, remembering what Maz had told her.

‘We were doing everything together. Studying, playing football, partying.’ Finn said and she saw a ghost of smile on his face ‘I could always trust him with everything.’ 

He stopped talking and turned his eyes again, focusing on the sunset in front of him. Rey glared in that direction too; the view was absolutely stunning, all orange and golden and purple but it didn’t make her concern disappear. 

It took Finn a long moment to speak again.

‘It was in December, the last party before Christmas.’ he said finally, his voice more quiet than before ‘I didn’t drink too much, I like to keep my mind as clear as I can. Poe had only one beer becasue he was a driver, he promised to give me a ride home.’ 

He stopped again and Rey didn’t push him, feeling some strange pressure settling in her chest. She had a bad feeling about it.

‘There was snow everywhere, on the road, falling from the sky. And...’ Finn swallowed hard and looked at Rey again and she almost shivered under his gaze ‘Poe was driving a bit too fast. We ended up on a tree.’ 

All air escaped Rey’s lungs as almost all pieces clicked in the right place. It explained that strange sadness in his eyes, the drawer filled with meds and Poe’s words. There was only one more quiestion she wanted to ask but Finn was quicker, as he could read her mind.

‘Poe was alright but I was seriously injured. My back...’ he hesitated and then sighed quietly ‘I was in coma for weeks. And then I went to Switzerland, to sanatorium. And now I’m back here.’ he gave her a weak smile ’I guess I should’ve told you earlier.’

‘No, it’s okay.’ Rey said quickly, shaking her head. She was feeling a bit lost, with all the informations and thoughts running wildly in her mind. She hadn’t expected that Finn- that funny, kind boy with warm smile- had been through so much. She felt awful for her prevous thoughts, for being jelaous of his luck and childhood better than her own. And now she could see that she had misjudged him from the very beggining. 

‘Does it hurt?’ she asked, words escaping her mouth with sudden difficulty. She couldn’t think clearly, her mind suddenly blurred.

‘Sometimes.’ Finn admitted but he spotted how her face changed so he added quickly ‘But it’s nothing, really.’

Rey had a feeling that he was lying but she didn’t say anything because he couldn’t find any proper words. She had always cared mostly about herself, focusing on surviving and keeping her head down. But now, probably for the first time in her life, she though that she would give something to take that burden from him. And that sudden thought scared her. 

‘Poe can’t forgive himself.’ Finn said quietly, snapping her out of her daze ‘I’ve told him that it was okay. That I don’t blame him. But now there’s this distance between us and I just can’t stand the way he looks at me.’ he gave her another sad smile ‘How everybody looks at me. Like I’m broken.’

Rey stood up, her heart beating surprisingly fast, making it hard to breath. She didn’t know what was happening with her but she didn’t like it, she didn’t like it at all. 

Finn stood up too, facing her, and there was a question written on his face, question she couldn’t understand. And before she could realize what she was doing, she was wrapping her arms around him in a short, tight hug.

‘You’re not broken.’ she whispered and heard his surprised gasp. She could feel that he was about to carefully hug her back, but she was quicker thatn him; she pulled back and ran away because that was something she was good at. She hear Finn calling her name with suprise in his voice but she didnt’ stop until she her room’s door behind her, breathing heavily.

What the hall had she done?

Rey didn’t like touch. Touch was intimate and that was something odd, something she wasn’t used to. Her childhood taught her that when someone wanted to touch her he probably wanted to use her or hurt her so she was always running away, running from people, running from being close. She had hugged only one person before, and she was a little kid. So why the hell had she hugged Finn, almost a stranger, who she had met maybe a week before?

The small voice in the back of her head whispered the answer almost immediately. 

Because she had to admit that they were similar, in more ways that she could possibily think.

And he wasn’t broken, just like her, because just like her he was a warrior.

 


	6. you're aware of my existence but you don't know I'm here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, guys. I know that I haven't posted in a long time and that the chapter is ridiculous but I have a terrible writer's block and I have my first exam this Friday and everything is crazy. Ugh. Anyway, hope you enjoy! Thank you for your patience, I'll try to update soon!

_ ‘Be a good girl, Rey.’ her mother smiled at her sadly, her hand touching her cheek softly. _

_ Rey didn’t understand. Why mum was crying? And where was dad? Rey squeezed harder her teddy bear and looked at her mother who tried to smile to her through tears. _

__

Rey had only one memory of her parents- well, her mother only. She had been something around three, Rey wasn’t sure. Back then she had had no idea what was going know but now she did and she didn’t want to think about it. It had already caused her too much pain.

She didn’t even had than teddy bear anymore. She had given it to some small girl which didn’t have any memories to hold on to.

Rey sighed quietly and closed her eyes, hoping to catch a few more hours of sleep.

It wasn’t like Rey was avoiding Finn because she wasn’t. She was just trying not to bump into him accidentally or to meet with him at all. But it wasn’t because she didn’t want to see him because she did, she really did. She wanted to talk to him, to see his smile, even to hug him. And that was freaking her out.

Rey usually didn’t like the company. She preferred to be on her own, keeping her distance, not being attached to anyone ar anything. Life had taught her that it was a way that would keep her safe. And it was okay. She didn’t mind lonelyness, caring only about herself and not looking back. 

But now... she felt lost. Rey had never felt like that before. She was actually longing for Finn’s presence, missing him the second he left the room. She didn’t understand what was happening to her and that was scaring the shit out of her. So she decided she would try to stay away from him until she could figure it out.

Easy to say, hard to do, they were living in one house for Thor’s sake. 

She was vacuuming the living room when Finn entered, flashing her a bright smile and Rey’s heart skipped a beat. Seroiously, what was going on? 

‘Hi!’ Finn yelled through the noise so Rey turned the machine off, giving him a small smile.

‘Hi.’ she answered and suddenly she found it hard to look at his wide smile and eyes full of light.

‘Haven’t see you for a while.’ Finn said easily and Rey felt a sting of guilt ‘Were you hiding from me?’

‘No.’ Rey said quickly and she noticed that his smile faded a little ‘I was busy.’

‘Right.’ Finn nodded.and for the moment they stayed like that, just looking at each other and waiting for the other one to say something. Finn’s smile practically disappeared and Rey hated the fact that she couldn’t find words that would bring it back.

‘I should get back to work.’ she said flatly and Finn nodded, his face blank. He left quickly and Rey felt anger flooding her body, anger at herself, at her stupid behaviour. She got back to vacumming, trying to swallow the lump that suddenly formed in her throat.

Rey was about to leave the room, vacuum cleaner in her hand when she bumped into mrs Leia who was just entering. Her face lit up with a smile when she saw Rey.

‘Rey! I was just thinking about you. Could we sit and talk for a moment?’

‘Of course.’ Rey nodded, feeling a sting of concern. 

‘So’ mrs Leia started when they sat down ‘you’re here for a few months now. How do you like it here?’

‘I’m very grateful I can live here.’ Rey said carefully, not sure where it was going.

‘And we’re happy to have you here.’ mrs Leia smiled and Rey wodered how much honestly was in her words ‘But it was a few longs months and I was just wondering that maybe you’d like to take some free time. It’s summer, maybe you want to visit your family or go for a trip? I’m sure we can survive a week or two without you.’

Rey’s heart clenched painfully in her chest at mrs Leia’s kind words. It was so nice, so generous of her but Rey couldn’t stand the thought about leaving that place. It was her shelter, her safe, calm fortress and she wasn’t ready to leave it, she didn’t want to. 

‘It’s very kind of you.’ Rey smiled slightly ‘But I’d like to stay here. If you have nothing against it of course.’ she added quickly. Mrs Leia narrowed her eyes a little but the smile didn’t disappear from her lips. 

‘Of course you can stay here, Rey.’ she said softly as if she could see what Rey was thinking. 

‘Thank you.’ Rey smiled a bit wider, feeling her heart getting a bit lighter.

‘Rey, I’m talking to you.’ Maz’s voice snapped her out of a daze and she blinked in surprise.

‘I’m sorry, what were you saying?’

Maz sighed but she didn’t look too irritated.

‘I need you to prepare a supper, I need to go to the village.’ she said and Rey felt blush creeping on her cheeks. 

‘Are you sure it’s a good idea?’ she asked, hoping that Maz would change her mind. She was a terrible cook.

‘You’ll be fine, Rey.’ Maz said with a smile ‘You don’t need to prepare anything special, just some sandwiches and maybe a salad. It’s nothing complicated. I believe in you.’

‘Okay.’ Rey muttered because really, what could she say?

‘You’re very quiet today.’ Maz noticed and Rey shrugged her shoulders. She was always quiet.

‘Finn isn’t in a good mood either.’ Maz added and Rey’s heart missed a beat.

‘Oh yes?’ she tried not to sound too interested but inside she was dying to hear more.

‘He sits in his room all day.’ Maz sighed and Rey could see concern blossoming on her face and her heart clenched when she saw how much she cared for him.

‘I’m worried about him.’ Maz said like she forgot that Rey was listening ‘He lets as think that he’s the same as before the accident but I can see that he’s not.’ Maz stopped and looked at Rey, eyes wide and concern in her eyes.

‘It’s okay.’ Rey said quickly ‘I know.’ 

Maz gave her a slight smile. Rey got back to her work but her thoughts were with a boy sitting in a cosy room upstairs.

She somehow managed to cut vegetables into pretty nice pieces and her salad looked really decent. Okay, she maybe added a bit too much vinegret but she was sure it was edible. Sandwiches looked fine but that was a piece of cake, she had grown up eating them. Now Rey’s biggest concern were eggs; she was hoping they were boiled. 

She prepared the table, putting all food on it, and then she went back to the kitchen to prepare hot drinks. She could hear how they all came to the dining room and sat aroud the table, talking cheerfully. Well, mostly mrs Leia was talking, Rey could hear a few short sentences from mr Solo and maybe a few words from Finn. Rey sighed quietly, unwittingly, and glared at a small memo Maz had left on the fridge. Cocoa for mrs Leia and earl grey for mr Solo. There was nothing about Finn but without hesitation she started preparing green tea. How did she know that? He had mentioned that once, briefly, and she remembered that.

She remembered everything about him.

That was freaking crazy.

Rey put three cups on a tray and carefully carried them to the dining room, her eyes glued to the floor. When she was putting cup in front of Finn their eyes met for a moment and in that exact moment Rey knew that she couldn’t act like that anymore because she couldn’t stand that look of sadness in confusion on his face.

She got back to the kitchen and she noticed that her hands were shaking.


	7. you're the center of attention, you control the atmosphere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took so long, things are so crazy right now! Hope you enjoy!

 

Rey quickly cleaned everything after dinner and rushed upstairs, determined to do what she had planned. She stopped in front of Finn’s door, took a deep breath and knocked, before she could loose all her courage. 

Finn opened the door after a long moment but he didn’t look surprised. 

‘Hi.’ Rey said, cursing herself for being so nervous; there was no need for that, right? ‘I hope I’m not disturbing you.’

‘Of course not.’ Finn smiled at her warmly and Rey had an awful feeling that she didn’t deserve that smile of his, not after how she had been acting ‘Please, come in.’ Finn stepped aside, letting her in. 

‘Thank you.’

The room looked almost exactly the same as she remembered. It was still nice and surprisingly clean- seriosuly, Finn must be the only boy in the planet that wasn’t creating constant mess- but Rey noticed some changes. She had been in that room only once, before Finn’s arrival, and now the walls were covered in photographs, mostly showing mountains landscapes. The photos were clean and simple but breathtaking at the same time. 

‘I’ve made them.’ Finn said, following her gaze.

‘They’re beautiful.’

Finn shrugged his shoulders and smiled slightly.

‘It’s a magnificent view, I just took a picture.’ 

Rey looked at him and yet again, she felt very nervous. She wasn’t used to express her emotions and that appeared to be one scary thing to do. She looked around, suddenly not feeling comfortable with looking at Finn. He of course interpeted that his way.

‘Oh, please, sit down.’ he flashed her a smile and she nodded, sitting down carefully on the edge of his bed.

‘I’m really sorry.’ the words left her mouth before she had a chance to think. Finn’s eyes widened and his lips parted slightly in surprise; Rey could feel herself blushing a little, that was ridiculous, she wasn’t a blushing person.

‘Rey...’ Finn started but Rey cut him off quickly; she knew him good enough to see where it was going- he would just say that everything was fine and she didn’t have to apologize. But Rey knew better.

‘No, please.’ she said and Finn closed his mouth and nodded; he slowly made his way to the bed and sat next to Rey, keeping a respectful distance. Rey turned her face a little so she could look him in the eyes as she spoke again ‘I’m really sorry about how I was acting. I know that I owe you an explenation.’ she stopped herself for a moment, gathering thoughts. She was grateful that Finn wasn’t pushing her, but he was giving her time she needed. 

‘I just...’ she sighed, suddely not sure how to express her feelings ‘I’ve never had a friend, you know?’ she said and Finn’s face lit up at the word friend; encouraged by that, Rey continued ‘And I’ve never really... cared. And I know that it doesn’t justify me but I got scared.’ Rey had a feeling those were poor words but she just couldn’t do it differently. 

‘It’s okay, Rey.’ Finn said softly ‘I know what it’s like.’ 

For a moment Rey had no idea what he was talking about but then she remembered- he had been adopted too. How could she forget?

‘When I first got here, I wanted to run away.’ Finn chuckled quietly and Rey opened her mouth in surprize ‘I was terrified, I wanted to go back to the orpahange, to what I knew’ he shgrugged his shoulders and shot Rey another smile ‘It was my reality and it took time to get used to that new life.’ 

Rey felt suddenly ashamed that in the past she had been thinking that he was a lucky one- because now she knew that he deserved that chance, he deserved that like no one else.

‘So I get you, Rey.’ he added warmly and moved a bit closer, but still not touching her.

Rey just nodded, hoping that he would understand how grateful she was.

They were sitting in comfortable silence for a long moment when Finn spoke again, a wide grin playing on his lips.

‘Does it mean that we’re friends?’

His words send a warm wave through Rey’s chest.

‘I hope so.’ she said carefully but honestly. In that moment she wanted his friendship probably more than anything. Because she had almost lost him once and she didn’t want that to happen again. 

Finn just tilted his head a little and smiled even wider; he had such a beautiful, kind smile, it was making her feel warm inside. 

‘I should get going.’ Rey said finally although the quiet voice in the back of her head was whispering something else ‘It’s late.’ she had to wake up early the next day.

‘Okay.’ Finn nodded simply and she smiled slightly in a response; she was almost by the door when she felt his wamt fingers on her wrist.

‘Hey.’ he said softly and a second later he was pulling her into a hug. Rey was too surprized to do anything about it; her body tensed, not used to touch and warm gestures. 

‘It’s a friend hug.’ Finn said and his warm breathe caressed Rey’s neck ‘It helps with falling asleep, believe me.’ 

And just like that, Rey relaxed and carefully wrapped her arms around Finn and let herself for that portion of closeness. It was still unusual and new but it wasn’t unpleasant at all. Rey felt a warm wave rushing through her body and she wondered if it was how the friendship felt. If so, she should probably get used to stuff like that and to her surprise she didn’t mind at all. 

A few days later Finn entered the kitchen, all bright and cheerfull, and Rey just had to smile.

‘You want to steal some food, Finn?’ Maz asked, smiling widely, but Finn shook his head.

‘Actually, I want to steal Rey for a second if it’s okay.’ he said with a grin. Rey glared at Maz who looked a bit surprised but pleased at the same time. 

‘Of course.’ she said and Rey felt a bit uneasy under her gaze but she followed Finn anyway.

‘So?’ she asked when they stopped on a back porch.

‘I spoke with Poe.’ Finn said and Rey felt a little sting of concern; but then she saw his smile so probably everything was okay.

‘And?’

‘And I think that finally things are starting to get better.’ Finn said and his face was so hopeful that Rey’s heart clenched a little ‘Actually, we’re going for a little vacation to the coast. So yeah’ he shrugged his shoulders ‘I thing it’s going in a good direction.’ 

‘That’s amazing, Finn.’ Rey said and smiled. She was so happy for him, she knew how much he missed Poe ‘I’ve never seen the ocean.’ she said quietly, mostly to herself, and Finn’s eyes widened.

‘Never?’

‘Never.’ she nodded, suddenly a bit embarassed by that fact.

‘Then you should come with us!’ he exlaimed as if it was the greatest idea in the world ‘I bet Maz would survive without you for a few days.’

‘Oh, you don’t have...’ Rey tried to oppose but inside she was melting. He had proposed it with such an easy, like it was the most natural thing to do and nobody had treated her that way before. 

‘We can go and ask her right now.’ Finn said and he just seemed to be so... happy ‘If you want to come with us of course.’ he added and his smile faded a little, as if the possibility of going without her was sad. 

Rey looked at him and she just coldn’t stop herself from smiling.

‘I’d love to.’ 

 


	8. You're so busy being busy, I don't want to interfere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO.  
> I'm really sorry for a long wait and for a short chapter, but my life was crazy and a lot happened, and a lot changed. I'm slowly getting back to writing and I'm really happy I'm able to write again. Hope you enjoy!

 

Mrs Leia was practically extattic about Finn’s idea and Rey wasn’t even that much surprised. Apparentyly she knew mrs Leia enough to know that she wouldn’t have anything against her son going on holiday with her worker. How strange was that? But it seemed less and less odd with every day, the fact that people actually seemed to like haer, care about her. And she had to admit that she liked that feeling.

‘I think it’s an excellent idea!’ mrs Leia exlaimed, smiling broadly ‘You can’t spend all your time in here, you need air and new things!’ 

‘Thank you.’ Rey smiled ‘But are you sure it’s okay?’

‘Of course it is.’ mrs Leia smiled ‘The biggest problem is that we’re gonna miss you.’

Rey’s breathing stopped for a moment and she felt something warm spreading in her chest; another thing she heard for the first time and it was making her feel happy and safe. 

‘I’m so happy for Finn and Poe.’ the older woman sighed ‘It was so hard for him.’

‘I can only imagine.’ Rey said quietly, her heart clenching slightly at the thought. She hadn’t had the easiest past too but she could be tough and guarded enough to survive. And Finn... Finn was kind and soft, full of light. And thinking about his pain was surprisingly hard for her.

‘But now everything’s better.’ mrs Leia said with a smile ‘And he has you now.’ she added, and Rey felt heat creeping on her cheeks; she hoped that mrs Leia didn’t notice ‘You’re leaving tomorrow, right? You should probably go and pack.’

A sudden realization made Rey’s face even redder. Packing. 

‘Oh crap.’

A quiet chuckle from mrs Leia made her realize that she had said it out loud and for a second she wanted to die from embarassment.

‘What’s wrong, Rey?’ mrs Leia asked with a broad smile.

Rey stared at the floor, suddenly very feeling ashamed. But she knew mrs Leia wouldn’t judge her, so she muttered, quietly ‘I don’t have a swimsuit.’

To be honest, she was never in a swimming pool even. She never thought about it and now she regretted that with every fibre of her body.

‘Oh, Rey.’ mrs Leia smiled at her warmly ‘That’s fine.’ she stood up and Rey looked at her, surprised ‘I guess it’s time to go for a shopping!’

Mrs Leia, not listening to Rey’s doubtful words, grabbed her car keys and fourty minutes later they were entering a shopping mall in a near town. And again, it was something new- Rey was barely visiting places like that; she was buying her clothes mostly in second hands. Here everything was new and shiny and clean, and Rey suddenly realized that she actually could afford buying something. That thought filled her with excitement. She didn’t care about looking too pretty, but she could use something new to wear. 

Mrs Leia guided her to a nice looking store with swimming suits and Rey honestly had no idea where to look. The choice was incredibly wide- modest suits in calm colors and bikinis so tiny she couldn’t imagine herself wearing them. 

‘Which one do you like?’ mrs Leia asked and Rey shook her head in awe.

‘Honestly, I’ve no idea. Everything looks so nice.’

‘Okay, so what about we pick something together?’ the older woman asked and Rey nodded, grateful for her help.

Half an hour later Rey was leaving the store with her very first swimming suit in her hands. She couldn’t stop smiling to herself, for the first time in a long time letting herself feel hopeful for a future.

Three days later Rey closed her small travelling bag and glared around the room, making sure thet she had all she needed. She could feel excitement building up in her stomach and to be honest, she really liked that feeling. She still couldn’t believe that she was actually going to see sea, that she was going on holiday. And it was all because of all the amazing people she had met here, all because of Finn. At the thought of him her lips curled up without her will- but that was an impact he had on her and Rey didn’t even want to fight with that.

She grabbed her bag and left the room, carefully closing the door behind her. She only made a few steps before bumping into Finn.

‘Hey!’ he greeted her cheerfully ‘Are you ready?’

‘Yeah, I think so.’ Rey nodded ‘Actually, I’m pretty sure.’

‘Great.’ Finn smiled broadly and took the bag from her hands ‘Come on, Poe’s waiting outside.’ 

They both went outside and Rey immediately saw a relly nice, shiny silver car; leaning to a door, there was Poe, smiling at them broadly. 

‘We’re ready to go.’ Finn said, putting his and Rey’s bags to a trunk ‘Rey, you wanna take a front seat?’

She noticed that Poe flinched a bit at Finn’s words but his face remained unchanged. 

‘Sure.’ she said quickly, giving Poe a short smile when he opened a car door for her. She knew that Finn trusted Poe but he still felt uncomfortable sitting in a front of a car; he preferred to take a seat in a back, when he had more comfortable space and he could fall asleep quickly. Rey fully understood that. They all had things they had to deal with.

Shortly after they started Finn indeed fall asleep; Rey, on the other hand, was enjoyng the ride. It was great, to watch the landscape, small villaged and busy towns. And it was great to talk with Poe, who was as nice and charming as she remembered. She discovered that a house they were going to was actually Dameron’s family house, and it was ridiculously close to a beach.

‘Water is really cold, you know.’ Poe said but Rey really didn’t care. It was sea they were talking about, and some cold won’t stop her.

Any picture she had seen couldn’t really show how beautiful sea was. Nothing could show that beautiful colour, a mixture of green and blue, nothing she had ever seen before. Ahe was mesmerised by silver sparks dancing on water, by soft sound of waves meeting a beach. Finn was standing by her side, not saying anything and letting her enjoy the new feeling. Poe was checking if everything in the house was working alright but Finn decided that she would like to go to a beach with Rey.

‘How do you like it?’ he asked quietly, not breaking a mood. 

‘It’s... mesmerizing. Absolutely beautiful.’ she said; she wasn’t a fan of big words but in that moment she just couldn’t help herself. 

‘I’m happy, Rey.’ Finn said quietly and she caught a glimpse of his warm smile. 

She thought briefly that everything was better when you can share it with someone.

They were standing like that for a few more minutes, inhaling salty air. 

‘We should probably go back, unpack out bags.’ Rey said finally and Finn nodded.

‘Okay. Then we can prepare something to eat and... come back here.’ he said with a wide smile and Rey couldn’t help but smile back.

Rey glared at her reflection in a mirror; she still liked her swimsuit but suddenly she felt very unsure about wearing it. Just a thought of other people- okay, Finn- seeing her dressed like that... it suddenly felt like a big deal, and that thought was irritating. She had never felt insecure about her body so why she had those doubts now? That was stupid, she decided, and wrapped a scarf around her. She was going to check if the water in the sea was icy cold and really, nothing was going to stop her, not even herself. 

`

 


	9. so I'll remain within your reign

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life's still crazy but I'm really trying. Hope you like it despite any errors. (I'm aware I'm not good at writing emotions but I'm trying to get better.)

 

It felt like some kind of a ritual, really. 

She was standing on sand, which was soft and rough at the same time, and warm from sharp sunlight. The water was whispering only a few inches away from her feet. Rey couldn’t wait to step into it but at the same time she was only a bit scared- in the end, she couldn’t swim.

She glared over her shoulder to look at the guys. Poe was sitting on a ridiculously big towel, watching her with amusement. Rey never paid too much attention to men’s look but damn, he looked good in his swimshorts. Finn was wearing his swimtruck too but at the same time he still had his shirt on. Rey knew that it was connected with the accident so she wasn’t very surpised when she saw that. 

Finn clearly noticed her hesitation because he was by her side in a moment, giving her a warm smile.

‘Can I keep you company?’ he asked and she nodded, smiling at him gratefully. 

With him by her side, it didn’t seem so much scary but maybe even a bit more exciting. So she took one deep breath and stepped in. She almost giggled when cold water touched her skin. Right, it was just water but it was ocean water.

Glaring at Finn, she took a few more steps, water grazing her knees now. Finn was right next to her, grinning at her reaction. It felt good, to have him next to her. Rey had never felt as comfortable in someone’s presence; it was that warm feeling she had, as if there was some kind of light settled there. Or better- as if he was radiating that light and it was settling somewhere deep in her chest. 

Slowly, they were stepping deeper and deeper and Rey couldn’t stop herself from laughing whe cold water was grazing her torso and shoulders. Soon she was neck- deep and suddenly she felt a bit sad that she couldn’t go forward- in the end, she couldn’t swim. She felt safe, with her feet touching the bottom and Finn right by her side, but at the same time she wanted to go further, a vast space in front of her calling her, whispering with the safe sound of waves. 

‘Hey.’ Finn said quietly and Rey turned her face to him. He silently extended his hand to her and her face up lit up with a smile; she took his hand and let him guide her. After a moment her feet lost the ground and for the shortest of moments she felt a jolt of panic, but it disappeared immediately. They moved a little further when Finn stopped- probably he stopped feeling the bottom too- and turned his face to her, extending his second hand which she grabbed gratefully.

‘So, how do you like it?’ he asked with a bright smile and Rey couldn’t quite find enough words.

It might seem silly; it was just a sea, nothing really special. But it was her small, childhood dream that she never thought would come true; but there she was, floating in cold, salty water, with a friend holdiing her hand.

Huh. A friend. It was just like a sea- scary but amazing at the same time. New but at the same time familiar.

‘Okay, I think we should head back slowly.’ Finn said, squeezing her had lightly ‘It’s getting pretty cold here.’

‘Okay.’ Rey nodded. Indeed, it was starting to get pretty chilly. 

Slowly, they reached the beach where Poe was waiting for them with a big grin on his face.

‘Better than expectations?’ he aksed and Rey nodded.

‘And colder.’ she said, making Poe laugh.

Speaking of colder, Rey finally noticed that it was pretty late for sitting on a beach in wet swimsuits; she could already feel goosebumps from a suddenly chilly wind. Finn moved a bit awkwardly, glaring at the house and Rey noticed that he was almost shivering in his soaked t-shirt. She wanted to say something but Poe was faster, glaring at her with a corner on his eye.

‘Rey, could you help me gather our stuff? And Finn, maybe you could go to the house and boil some water? We all could use something hot to drink.’

‘Yeah, sure.’ Finn nodded quickly and almost sprinted to the house.

Poe gave Rey small, sad smile.

‘He doesn’t let anyone see his back.’ he said quetly and Rey could hear guilt in his voice.

She couldn’t even imagine how he felt, how they both felt. It was good to see that they were learning how to be friends again but at the same she understood that to much had happened and maybe they would never go back to what they had.

‘He forgave you, you know.’ she said quietly, trying to comfort him but Poe smiled bitterly at her words.

‘I know that he did, because that’s who he is. Sometimes I think that I can forgive myself too.’ 

There was nothing she could say to that so she just briefly put a hand on his shoulder. He smiled briefly- and not so bitterly anymore- and in that moment she understood that she cared about his happiness the same as she cared for Finn’s. They both were her friends and no matter how unreal it still sounded, she would do a lot to bring smiles on their faces.

Maybe after so many years of loneliness she had a lot of love to spare.

It was really late but Rey still couldn’t fall asleep. Her bedroom was small but nice, and a bed was really comfortable- but she just couldn’t force herslf to close her eyes for more than a minute. Even a loud whisper of waves outside her window didn’t make her sleepy. To be honest, she was feeling a bit uneasy and she had no idea why. There was some strange tension in her body that didn’t want to go away. 

And she couldn’t stop thinking about Finn.

It was just because they were friends, right? He was her first real friend, so that was normal that she couldn’t get him out of her head. Right?

Frustrated, she got up and quietly left her room. A minute later she was outside, inhaling cold air which was pleasantly cooling her face. 

‘We should stop meeting like that.’

Rey spinned around rapidly to see Finn, who was standing a few metres away, leaning to the houses wall. 

‘Hey.’ she breathed out, her heart hammering in her chest. It was just because he surprised her. For sure. ‘What are you doing here?’

Finn shrugged his shoulders.

‘Couldn’t sleep. You?’

‘Me too.’ she admitted. 

Finn moved a bit closer to her, so now he was standing right in front of her and suddenly Rey felt some strange pressure in her chest. It was as if she was nervous but it didn’t make any sense. What was going on with her? It was just Finn- with his warm eyes that were looking at her with so much softness it was making her to lose her breath. 

She wasn’t sure who moved first but suddenly they were standing even closer, their faces only inches apart, her mind blurred and her heart stuttering in her chest. Her eyes dropped to his lips and for some strange, mysterious reason she couldn’t look away. And when she was finally able to look into his eyes he also glared at her mouth only to look straight at her a second later. 

His eyes were serious but there was a small smile on his face, as if he was asking her something. Rey smiled too, feeling that it was right answer.

And that’s when he kissed her.

 

 


	10. Until my thoughts can travel somewhere new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a terrible human being guys and I know you know it. But- life's hard.

 

The whole world was spinning around her and it felt like the only thing that was sure and stable was Finn. It was only her and him, his lips on hers, warmth radiating from his body and making her clutch her fists on his shirt. She had never felt like that, like her body was vibrating with all these feelings and emotions that were completely new and exciting but at the same time it felt right. 

More than right.

It was that amazing mix of feelings, that bunch of emotions inside of her and Rey couldn’t really think. In that moment, she could only feel, only be.

She lost a track of time, so when Finn pulled back, keeping his face close to hers, she felt as if the whole eternity passed. Her heart was beating so fast she could hear it in her ears, her blood rushing and pulsing in her veins, making her feel as if she was filled with static. And Finn’s gaze- warm and caring and careful- was making her heart miss a bit.

‘Are you okay?’ Finn asked and his whisper sounded loud in her ears and Rey didn’t want to break the spell with her voice that would be- she could feel that- pityfully hoarse and shaky. So this time she kissed him, because she felt brave and safe and good, and she didn’t want to let go.

Rey woke up to the sun shining straight into her face. One of her hands immediately wandered to touch her lips and she smiled slightly, memories of the night flashing in her head. She was feeling great. Excited. Full of something she never knew existed. She jumped off the bed and, humming qietly, started to look for something nice to wear. She totally couldn’t wait to see Finn so picking clothes didn’t take too long. She just grabbed jean shorts and a plain t-shirt, combed her hair and in a seconds she was almost running downstairs.

It was a funny feeling, when she saw Finn cutting bread in the kitchen. It was like her heart made a flip and then turned into something big and warm. She couldn’t stop herself from smiling when she stopped, watching him methodically preparing meal. She knew that she should help him but she just couldn’t stop looking at his strong form and steady movements. It was as if he was radiating some good energy and Rey decided that she loved watching him. 

Of course, she could’t remain unnoticed forever. 

Finn turned around to take something from a kitchen island and the he spotted her, and froze in a place, a smile blossoming on his face and Rey suddenly felt her cheeks getting a bit hot.

‘Hi.’ he said, smiling widely and she couldn’t help but smile back. 

‘Hi.’ she said, stepping into the kitchen ‘You need help?’

‘Sure.’ Finn answered, still not moving, his eyes never leaving her face. 

Rey took a few steps and stopped in front of him, looking at him from this close distance and feeling her heart fluttering slightly in her chest. Finn’s gaze for a second wandered to her lips and back to her eyes, and then he leaned forward quickly and kissed her, short and sweet, and Rey couldn’t stop herself from giggling quietly. Finn grinned at her and Rey was just feeling happy. They started at each other for a moment before Rey broke the silence with offering to prepare some tea. 

They were working in silence, glaring at each other every thirty seconds and smiling like idiots when they met each other’s gaze. They were practically done when Rey heard heavy footsteps and a moment later clearly sleepy Poe stumbled to the kitchen, yawning broadly and rubbing his eyes.

‘Morning, guys.’ he grumbled and sat down on the nearest chair.

‘Morning, sunshine.’ Finn said lightly and Rey almost chuckled at his words.

‘You’re both awfully cheerfull for this hour.’ Poe noticed with a sight, looking at both of them. Suddenly his eyes narrowed as if he noticed something ‘Wait a sec.’ he said suspiciously, suddenly not sleepy anymore ‘What’s going on?’ he asked and Rey really had to stop herself from giggling. Man, what was going on with her?

‘Nothing’s going on.’ Finn said innocently but Rey could see his smile when he glared at her quickly. Apparently Poe noticed that too because he gasped and pointed Finn with his finger.

’You two!’

Finn raised his eyebrows, apparently having a great time.

‘We what?’

‘Oh, you know exactly what I’m talking about.’ Poe shook his head with a slight smile playing on his lips ‘Oh, great, food, I’m dying from hunger.’ he added casually and turned around, focusing on sandwiches laying on a table.

Finn looked at Rey and tilted his head a little as if he was asking her something and she just shrugged her shoulders slightly with a smile matching his own. 

Rey was watching Finn building a sand castle a few metres away from her. His face was so focused as he was carefully creating new fragile constructions, and Rey couldn’t stop herself from smiling slightly. 

She was amazed by the way Finn was- so kind-hearted and responsible but at same time so childlishly cheerfull. And knowing his story and what he had been through- it was amazing the he was still so full of light.

‘He’s impossible, isn’t he?’

Rey flinched at a sudden intrusion but a second later she smiled at Poe who stopped next to her.

‘Yeah.’ she agreed, her heart missing a beat for the shortest of moments ‘He is.’

‘Would you like to go for a short with me?’ Poe asked, looking at her with warm eyes and Rey agreed without hesitation. They were walking in silence for a few moments, chilly water grazing their feet; Rey had a feeling that Poe wanted to talk with her and she was not mistaken- after a minute of walking he spoke.

‘So...you and Finn.’ he said casually and Rey had no idea what to say to that statement, so she remained silent. 

‘I’m sorry.’ Poe sighed and gave Rey a small smile ‘I didn’t mean that to sound strangely. I’m just... okay, I just wanted to ask how are you feeling. But you don’t have to tell me.’ he smiled a bit wider and Rey wondered for a second. Actually, she had no one else to talk about it. And Poe was nice and kind, and he was Finn’s friend. Maybe her friend too, even.

‘I don’t know.’ she admitted, looking briefly at the horizon ‘I’m just... happy. I can’t really explain this. Rey wasn’t sure if Poe understood what she had in mind but when she glared at him he was looking at her with warm, mysterious smile. 

‘Does that make sense?’ she asked quietly and he nodded.

‘A perfect sense.’

She would like to ask him what did all that mean, because she wasn’t quite sure. What did it mean, when her heart was fluttering in her chest when she was seeing him? What did it mean, that mix of excitement and nervousness she could feel before meeting him? What about all of that and other little, tiny things? 

Rey wondered briefly if it could be love.

That scary, big word. Rey felt a sudden strike of pain when she realized that she had no idea what was hidden behind it. But she had never thought about it before, too focused on fighting her way through life. But now... it was different. Now there was Finn, who somehow was able to change everything around her and maybe even her. Rey already felt different that before- not only happier but... warmer. Safe. She felt as if every day spent with Finn, his parents and Poe, even Maz and Chewie, was teaching her how to live all over again. 


	11. my mind is blind to everything but you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the part when I beg for forgiveness. For my defense, I had pretty rough time and I really couldn't focus on writing. But good news is that I have an idea where this story will go and I'll really try to post new chapter more regularly. Thank you guys for your support, it means a lot to me.

 

A week passed in a blink of an eye and to be honest, Rey had never felt more happy before. Came to think, had she ever been truly happy before? She doubted it, because she had never felt like that before. It was a week filled with walks and talks with Finn and Poe, laughing and just... feeling free. Rey loved every second of it, she loved how her heart was becoming lighter when her eyes were meeting Finn’s. It wasn’t even strange anymore, and it wasn’t scary either, because how something that felt so safe could be wrong?

She was craving these little moments every night when Finn was walking her to her room; stopping right in front of the door, he was taking her face in his hands and looking at her seriosuly. She always had to smile and kiss him first. She loved that so much, that he was always waiting for her to make a move, as if he wanted to be sure that he was okay with that. And maybe it sounded ridiculously or cheesy, but he was like a sunshine, causing her sharp edges to soften. It was beyond amazing and Rey was grateful for every day, every hour she could spend with him, because he was teaching her things about herself she had no idea about. He taught her how to laugh again. How to talk about herself and how not to run away from people’s touch. 

But the most important, Finn taught her how to trust people, and it was incredible how little amount of time he needed to do that. It was like she started living again, here, in that small house next to the sea, and some part of her didn’t want to leave that place. Maybe that was why her heart skipped a beat when Poe said during breakfast ‘You guys should probably pack today, we’ll leave around 9am if we want to reach home before night.’

‘Sure.’ Finn said lightly and Rey just nodded, but she actually felt a short sting somewhere near her heart. Suddenly she realized with all clarity that she had no idea what would happen when they would be back home. Did she and Finn... what with them? Would they still have this, whatever exactly it was? Her heart clenched in her chest and she felt small, small and lost. 

During past week she almost forgot how cold fear felt.

‘Rey? Is everything okay?’ she heard his voice and sha snapped out of a daze, giving him a half smile.

‘Yeah. Just drifted away for a sec.’

Finn nodded and his eyes were dark and warm as always, and Rey maybe was a little bit out of breath. She realized that she needed a moment for herself to figure out what the hell was happening and what she was going to do.

Rey always liked sunsets. People usually said that sunrises were more romantic scenery, but Rey had to wake up before sun too many times for her to enjoy it. And the view in front of her was truly magnificent. The orange sun was already diving into the amarant waters, golden glitches dancing on the waves. It was so beautiful that her heart might skipped a beat a few times. She thought that she had never experienced as much beauty and kindesss as she did in the last few months. It was so weird, being twentythree years old and just starting living. But she probably wouldn’t want it any other way. Other way would mean she wouldn’t meet Finn.

Finn. Why was she a little bit breathless when she thought about him? 

She glared at the sun again; the sand she was sitting on was still warm but she could feel chilly winter grazing her skin from time to time. 

She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want things to change a bit, but she had this awful, hollow feeling that it was just a dream, destined to end since the very beggining. But at the same time Rey somehow knew that it wouldn’t be over, that it couldn’t be over. She couldn’t go back to normal, because now kissing Finn goodnight was her normal. And she couldn’t imagine going back to the mansion and acting like nothing happend, because everything happened. And everything was different now, and there was no way back from that point. At least not for her.

Some time earlier Rey would had been mad on herself for depending on people like that. For caring for them so much. But now she could see how her past self was a poor, poor soul. She had been missing out so much in life, Rey now could see that now, and she felt sorry for that girl she used to be. Even that little pain in her heart she was feeling was worth it. 

It was funny a bit, though. Rey never believed that feelings can cause physical pain, but there she was, her chest hurting with a thought that it was all just an illusion. She believed- she knew- that Finn wasn’t like that, that he wouldn’t treat her like that, but she couldn’t get rid of that fear. She might be a changed person, but everything about her couldn’t go away just easily. 

The sun was fully gone now and Rey could see the moon, it’s soft but strong light enough to help her see what was around her. She knew that she should go back, find Finn and talk to him, but she decided to stay there just a moment longer, to enjoy salty air and quiet whispering of the sea.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t notice him until he gently wrapped a blanket around her shouders and sat on a sand next to her.

‘Hey.’ Finn said softly, that gentle look never leaving his face ‘What are you doing here on your own?’

Rey needed a moment to collect herself. She was surprised by his sudden appearence but it took her only a second to smile at him.

‘Just thinking.’

‘Do you need some more time alone?’ he asked and her heart clenched at just how good and caring he was. 

‘No.’ she said quickly, her hand darting to squeeze his palm ‘Actually, I want to talk to you.’

‘Okay.’ Finn said simply and moved a bit, so he was now fully facing her, sitting closer than before, their hands tangled together. He didn’t push her to talk immediately so she still took a minute to make sure she knew what she wanted to say.

‘I want to thank you.’ she said finally and in a silver light she could see confusion blossoming on his face ‘For inviting me here. For... everything.’

She could tell by look on Finn’s face that he didn’t have a clue when she was going- it was kind of funny that she already could read him so easily- but he didn’t say anything. He just hold her hand tight, letting her speak.

‘In fact, I’m pretty sure you just gave the best week of my life.’ she added and she noticed with surprise concern blossoming on Finn’s face. He moved a tiny bit closer, looking at her with focus and that made her slightly nervous ‘But I need to know what happens next. Because Finn, I don’t wanna let this go...’ she wanted to say more but she was cut off by Finn’s lips pressed to hers. The kiss was quick and quite soft but as always left her breathless and with a pounding heart. She blinked in confusion and looked at Finn, who was watching her with a grin.

‘What...?’ she managed to ask, her voice suddenly funnily hoarse. Finn shook his head and leaed forward a bit again, their faces now only a few inches apart.

‘For a moment I thought you were breaking up with me.’ he whispered and just like that Rey was out of breath again. That whole thing was going to ruin her health. 

‘You... what?’ she realized she could seem kinda dumb but there were no words on her mind in that moment ‘Break up?’ at first she couldn’t wrap her mind around it ‘Why would I...wait, so we’re together? Like, together together?’ 

‘Well, I hope, but if you don’t want...’ this time she cut him off, moving quickly forward and kissing him so hard he fell on his back, hitting the sand with a muffled sound. That didn’t stop them though; Finn wrapped his arms around Rey and they didn’t stop until they were both out of breath, with hearts racing against each other. Suddenly all Rey’s worries were gone. How could she even doubt him? It seemed so stupid now. She laid her head on Finn’s chest, listening to his hearbet mixing with a whisper of the sea. It felt a bit surreal, again, to just be there like that, to be so happy and calm, and safe. 

They were both quiet for a few minutes, wordlessly, Finn’s hand touching gently her hair and their limbs tangled together. Rey didn’t really want to break the silence but there was one more thing she had to clear about to be hundred percent calm.

‘What about your parents?’

‘Will tell them right away.’ Finn asnwered without missing a beat ‘If you’re okay with that.’

Rey’s heart clenched a bit at his words. One part of her wanted that, but the other was scared what would they say about it. They were good people and they were treating her well but that would be whole new situation and their reaction could not be good.

‘Can we wait with that a bit. It’s still so new for me.’ she lifted her head a bit to look at him ‘I’m so bad at this all relationship stuff.’ it was a funny feeling, to use that word while talking about herself. She had never expected to use it.

Finn grinned at her, moving a bit and giving her soft peck on the lips ‘I think you’re doing pretty great.’ She giggled a bit at his words and hiding her face in a soft fabric of his shirt.

‘We should get going soon, you’re be cold.’ he said softy and Rey nodded, but she didn’t make any move.

‘Just a moment, okay?’

She didn’t have to look at him to know that he smiled.

‘Okay.’ 


	12. If you were to stop talking I don't know what I'd do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, a new chapter for you guys!

 

They spent their way back home curled in a backseat of Poe’s car. He just grinned when Rey announced that she would sit in a back and he promised not to watch them in a mirror, what caused her to blush slightly.

They didn’t talk much.

Rey put her head on Finn’s shoulder, one of his hands embracing her and stroking her arm gently. After some time she started to feel a bit sleepy, but she didn’t want to waste her time for napping. It wasn’t the last time, of course. It wasn’t as if they were saying goodbye; they just wouldn’t show openly how close they were now and Rey was okay with that. It was her idea, after all. And it wasn’t because she was ashamed or scared. Well, she was a bit nervous- the truth was that she was just an employee, a girl from nowhere. But the main reason for keeping it to themselves for now was how new it all was to her, for the both of them. They had to care for that warm, fragile spark between them, and let it grow stronger in peace and without pressure. She didn’t want to mess it up in any way.

She fell asleep, after all. 

It was more like a half asleep; she could still feel Finn’s body pressed to hers and his lips gently brishing her forhead from time to time. 

The moment of waking up was, as always, almost violent. Rey heard Poe’s cheerful voice and felt his hand on her shoulder blade. She opened her eyes and blinked a few times when sharp sunlight attacked her eyes; she groaned and and hid her face in Finn’s shirt. His whole body vibrated when he chuckled and Rey already hated that she would have to let go.

‘We’re here.’ he said quietly and she sighed.

‘I know.’ she answered but she didn’t move. That would be harder than she had expected.

‘Don’t wanna disturb you, lovebirds’ she heard Poe’s light voice ‘but it slowly starts getting suspicious.’

‘Fine.’ Rey sighed and pulled away, leaving the car. Poe’s smile was brighter than a sun and she just had to smile back. She made a move to take her bag from him but he took a small step back, shaking his head.

‘Uhu-u. I’m taking it inside. And lady’s first.’ he made a gesture with his hand and Rey chuckled quietly at his elegant behaviour. A second later Finn joined her and they both enetered the house. 

The second they stepped inside Rey was hit with a sudden feeling of calm. She knew she didn’t have the right to call that place home but if she could... It would be it. 

‘Finn! Rey!’ they were barely in the middle of the hall when Rey saw mrs Leia making her way down the stairs. Rey felt warm inside when she watched mother and son hugging each other, and she felt even better when mrs Leia turned to her, giving her quick, strong embrace. ‘We missed you.’ mrs Leia said with a smile ‘So, how was it?’

‘Great.’ Finn said and Rey smiled.

‘I couldn’t be more grateful.’ she just said and mrs Leia nodded, looking at her kindly. 

Poe joined them and Rey couldn’t help but notice how mrs Leia tensed a bit when she saw him, but she was acting normally around him. Rey couldn’t blame her- she probably still couldn’t get over that fact that he was the reason Finn had been through so much pain. Her reaction could have been so much worse than that.

‘Will you stay for dinner?’ mrs Leia asked and Poe hesitated for a moment.

‘I don’t want to cause any trouble.’

‘No trouble in here, we’d be thrilled to have you.’ she said and Poe smiled slightly, nodding.

Rey understood that it was time for her to get back to reality. She wasn’t bitter about it- she loved that job and she had nothing against getting back to it.

‘I’ll leave my things and go help Maz.’ she said, reaching for her bag, but mrs Leia’s voice stopped her.

‘It’s still your free day, I’d be happy if you would join us too.’

Rey hesitated and looked at Finn, who gave her a bright smile. She knew that despite the fact that she was just an employee, relations between her and her employers wasn’t usual, and she wasn’t just speaking Finn. They way mrs Leia was treating her wasn’t strictly professional and Rey loved that, but at the same time she wondered when the line was, and if having a relationship with Finn wouldn’t be crossing that border. 

But hey, a dinner didn’t kill anybody, right?

‘I’d love to.’

Keeping things a secret was as hard as she had expected, at least during the first week.

It was hard to see Finn smiling and not kiss him right away. It was the hardest training of strong will she had ever experienced, but things between them were going good. Every night she would sneak out to his room, where they would just lay and talk, getting to know each other better. There still were subjects they didn’t mention; Rey still hadn’t told him all about her past and he still hadn’t shown her his back. They were taking little, careful steps and it felt good. It felt safe. It was making her grin like an idiot and people started noticing a chamge in her. Maz mentioned how more cheerful she is and when she asked for a reason Rey used sea as an excuse. But it was a fact that she almost couldn’t stop smiling. Like in that moment, when she was walking down a corridor, fresh curtains in her hands, thinking about a funny story Finn had told her a night before. It was amazing how easily he could make her laugh, especially after years with no reason to be happy. Maybe that was way it was coming with such an incredible ease.

She was about to enter the living room when she heard a sound that made her froze right there in the corridor. It was like a sob and Rey hated that she knew who that was. She peaked to the living room and her heart clenched painfully when she saw mrs Leia, sitting on a couch, with tears in her eyes and a broken expression on her face. She was holding something in her hands, but Rey couldn’t tell what that was. 

She wanted to do something, to comfort her, but her feet were as if they were glued to the floor. And after all, she had no idea what could she say or do. Maybe her help would be unwanted? But once again, mrs Leia looked as if she was hurting really badly and Rey just couldn’t let her be like that. She was about to enter the room and do something, anything, but before she could do anything she saw mr Solo enetering the living room from the other door. He stopped at the sight of his wife and Rey was stunned by how his face suddenly changed. She had always seen him calm and stoic, and now visible sadness was something she had never expected to see. He made his way to mrs Leia and gently put his hands on her shoulders, and that was when Rey backed up, walking away quickly with racing mind and pain in her chest.

‘Are you okay?’ Finn asked quietly and Rey let out a quiet sigh. The sitatuion from earlier that day wasn’t leaving her mind even for a moment. And as soon as she entered Finn’s room he noticed something was off, but he didn’t say anything until she relaxed a bit, her head on his shoulder and their hands tangled. She wondered briefly if she should tell him that, but the decision seemed to be pretty obvious. 

‘I saw your mom crying today.’ she said quietly and she felt a bit bad for mentioning that when she felt how his body tensed up a little at her words. 

‘It’s 27 th of August.’ he muttered quietly, as if he forgot for a second about her presence. It seemed that he wasn’t surprised by what she had said, but there was sadness on his face now and Rey once again felt guilty for bringing that up. She moved a bit so she could look him in the eyes but she didn’t push him to talk, waiting for him to decide if he would share the story with her. She hoped he would, not because she was curious- well, of course she was a bit- but she wanted to know if there was anything she could do.

‘I’ve a brother.’ Finn said suddenly and his words made Rey gasp quietly. She didn’t know how to comment that so she just stared at him, trying not to look too shocked and waiting for Finn to continue.

‘He’s not my biological brother. He was born a Solo.’ he added and Rey wondered why no one ever mentioned him. Why there was no photos of him around the house? Where was he now?

‘He’s four years older than me.’ Finn smiled, but it wasn’t a cheerfull one ‘It took him a long time to accept me. Maybe he never did it fully. But... we were brothers. And I was always treating him like one.’ he looked at Rey and his smile grew a little bigger ‘It’s his birthday today.’

Rey squeezed his hand lightly, offering some comfort although thoughts and questions were running crazy in her head. She didn’t blame him for not telling her sooner- maybe she should, but she could see how painful topic it was, not only for Finn, but for the whole family.

‘Where is he now?’ Rey asked him quietly and he sighed.

‘About three years ago, he met some people. We didn’t know exactly who they were and what did they do, but... they changed him. He changed, started treating us all like enemies. And we... we couldn’t get to him. We tried, but we couldn’t.’ he stopped for a moment, his eyes wandering to their joined hands ‘Two years ago, he disappeared. We haven’t seen him since then, although we tried to find him.’ he sighed and looked at Rey ‘I’m sorry for not telling you earlier, I know I should have...’

‘Hey, no.’ Rey cut him off gently ‘It’s okay. We’ve time.’

For a moment Finn was just looking at her, his face unreadable, and for a second Rey felt nervous, but then his face lit up with the brightest of smiles.

‘You’re amazing, you know that?’ 

‘Yeah.’ she said, leaning to kiss him lightly ‘But I don’t mind you telling me that.’

He chuckled and pulled her closer, so she could nestle comfortably against his chest. They were sitting like that for a few minutes; Rey still was feeling a bit shocked after hearing the news but she was glad that Finn was okay. 

‘I miss him, you know.’ he said quietly ‘Those were good times.’

‘I know.’ Rey said softly ‘He’s your brother.’

‘I wish you could meet him, the way he was before it all happened. He was moody and broody someties, but he was a good person.’

‘Maybe one day it could happen.’

‘Yeah. Maybe.' Finn nodded and Rey realized she had one more question.

'What's his name?'

Finn shifted a bit and pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

'Ben. Ben Solo.'


	13. the future's far less daunting...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I haven't posted in forever, but I had to deal with a lot of stuff and my mojo for this pairing was totally blocked. But I'm slowly writing my way back to the story, so I think I can promise a chapter every week or two weeks. I know this is is kinda disappointing filler chapter, but hey, I've a plot planned so fingers crossed! Many thanks to you, if you read this, you make me want to write this story till the end!

 

Rey cleaned all the tomatoes, dried them with a paper towel and moved to a kitchen island, where she she had everything set up to start preparing food. Maz had asked her to take care of salads and starters for tonight’s party. It was mr’s Solo birthday and he wasn’t a big fan of parties, but mrs Leia thought it was a good idea to enetrtain themselves by inviting a few people. Maz and Rey had their hands full, so they decided to split responsibilities. Maz would prepare main dish and and dessert, and Rey was responsible for starters and salads. 

A few weeks earlier Rey would be paralyzed with that responsibility, but now she felt fearless, as if she could do anything. She wouldn’t be beaten by a few simply dishes. 

She cut tomatoes, onion and cucumber, added green salat and sprinkled it all with vinegar. Simple, but she knew that it was universal and tasty. Then she moved to the next one, slightly more complicated. Still it wasn’t very hard to do, so Rey let her mind drift away a little. 

Things were going really good lately; her and Finn’s relationship was developing and she felt closer to him everyday. They talked a lot and they were learning more about each other with every day. Of course there were still boundries between them, but Rey was optimistic. They had a lot of time.

She narrowed her eyes slightly as she though about something that was a small burden to her lately. Rey was wondering if they should tell anyone about their relationship. Poe knew, of course, but he wouldn’t share it without their clear permission. She really cared about mr Holo and mrs Leia and she knew they liked her a lot, but she didn’t know how they would react. She was just and employee, after all, and they were paying her money for cleaning and cooking. They could easily think that she was sipmly not good enough. Rey sighed and added seasoning to her salad and then started preparing ingredients for starters. 

As she prepared beetroots for the first starter, she thought about a conversation she had had with Finn only a couple days earlier. The one about his brother. Rey wasn’t mad that he hadn’t told her earlier about it- she understood better than anyone how it was to have painful secrests you weren’t sure you wanted to share. Piece by piece, they were trusting each other more every day, learning new thing about themselves. It was good. It was slow and gentle, exactly how Rey needed it to be.

She could see how difficult it was for Finn to talk about Ben. They apparently had a very rocky relationship, but it was obvious that Finn really cared about him. She wondered if one day they would be reunited, if they would ever meet once again. She really hoped for that. 

‘How is it going, Rey?’ Maz broke her train of though as she entered the kitchen, bags with groceries in her hands.

‘I’m good. Just finished salads.’ 

‘Great. I’ll unpack this and start working on a chicken.’ Maz smiled. 

They fell into their easy routine, working alongside each other, sometimes talking, sometimes staying silent, sometimes humming quietly. They were used to each other, knowing their habits and way of working. 

‘So, who’s gonna be here tonight?’ Rey asked curiously; she knew how many people would be on the party, but she didn’t know their names. Mr and mrs Solo didn’t have guests very often, so she was curious to see them.

‘Hmm, let me think... Mr Lando and his wife, Poe and his mother- his father died a few years ago... mrs Leia’s cousin and three more friends.’ Maz smiled ‘They’re all nice people, after two hours and some wine they’ll probably start dancing to some old records.’

‘Really?’ Rey couldn’t imagine mr Solo dancing.

‘You’ll see yourself.’ Maz winked and Rey chuckled. 

They worked in symphony, cutting, frying and boiling, and at two o’clock food was finished. Then they prepared the dining room and could take a little break. Rey, however, decided to go to the garden and find some nice flowers to decorate the table. Maz approved the idea so Rey ran outside, happy to enjoy last days of summer. She loved that season, but she was also excited to see how autumn looks like in the country. In London it was grey, wet and cold, but she had a feeling that it actually could be pretty out there. And then winter would come, so maybe she could witness snow that wouldn’t immediately turn black and dirty. 

She found Chewie and asked him if she could pick some flowers by herself and he agreed quickly, just told her not to touch flower- beds that were right next to the house. She nodded and moved deeper to the garden; she decided to pick up some asters, and they were hidden behind a few birches and willows. She picked a few violet asters and she was about to move to the white ones when a pair of hands covered her eyes.

‘Finn!’ she laughed as she turned around and faced him.

‘Hi.’ he smiled widely and kissed her briefly ‘Picking up some flowers?’

‘Yeah, I want the table to look nice tonight.’

Finn sighed with exaggeration, as if the thought of the party was making him tired.

‘It’s been a long time since I was on a party light that.’

‘You missed them?’ Rey asked as she moved to pick up white flowers. Finn followed her and smiled a little at her words.

‘They’re fun in some way, I guess. It’s just an excuse for my parents and their friends to drink wine and talk about stuff. Me and Poe always sneak out when they start dancing.’

‘I thought Maz was joking with that dancing.’ Rey gasped and Finn chuckled, seeing her disbelief.

‘My dad’s acrually a pretty decent dancer. Prepare to hear some music from the 60’s.’

‘Well, I’ll be coursing between kitchen and dining room, so I guess I’ll miss most of the fun.’ she laughed shortly and she noticed how Finn’s face fell immediately ‘Hey, is everything okay?’

‘Yeah, I just...’ he sighed and shrugged his shoulders a little ‘Just wished you could be there with me.’

‘Oh Finn.’ Rey smiled, feeling warm filling her heart. She took one of his hands carefully, lacing their fingers together ‘I know. And I want it too. Just not know. Not yet.’

‘I know.’ he smiled at her softly and once again she was overwhelmed with gratitude that he was so kind and understanding. That he was so accepting and he wasn’t tired of how slowly things were developing between them ‘Can I help you with flowers?’

The only thing Rey could do in that moment was to kiss him, shortly and sweetly, before she led him to other flower- beds, where they starated composing bouquets. It was peaceful, filled with wide smiles, quiet laughters and not so accidental touches of their hands. It didn’t last long since Rey had to go back and look if Maz didn’t need any help, but she enjoyed it so much, as she enjoyed every second she could spend with Finn.

Guests arrived on time and Maz and Rey served them starters. Rey was a bit worried how they had turned out, but apparently everyone liked them. Poe smiled at her broadly when she brought him his cup of tea and she couldn’t help but smile in return. He was sitting next to his mother, a small woman with blonde hair, bright blue eyes and loud laugh. Rey guessed he took his looks after his father. 

Everything went smoothly; guests praised the food and were treating her extremely nicely. She and Maz cleaned up the table and got back to the kitchen where they took care of leftovers and dirty dishes. Rey could hear  _ Bad moon rising _ and she couldn’t help but smile widely.

‘Always the same.’ Maz chuckled quietly ‘They’re truly forever young.’

‘Hey, can we steal Rey?’ Finn knocked on the door frame, Poe ghosting right behind him and smiling at Rey broadly.

Rey felt a spark of excitement burning through her, so she turned to Maz and asked if there was something more to do for her.

‘You go, kids. There’s barely anything to do here, except of taking a few bottles of wine from a pantry.’

‘Thanks.’ Rey smiled and dried her hands quickly. She almost sprinted out of the kitchen and took Finn’s hand.

‘Hi Poe.’ she said as they went outside to sit on a back porch. ‘Not a fan of dancing?’

‘Oh please.’ Poe snorted ‘At least now we’re big enough to sneak out without our parents fussing about it.’

‘Sounds like fun.’ Rey chuckled ‘So, what are you usually doing during that sneak outs?’

‘We used to steal cake from the kitchen and hide in Finn’s room while watching westerns with Clint Eastwood.’ Poe said, face totally serious, and Rey couldn’t help but laugh loudly.

‘Next time I want to experience that.’ she said, still chuckling.

‘I hope you didn’t throw out these vhrs, Finn.’ Poe said and looked at Finn pointedly.

‘How dare you!’ Finn gasped, pretending to be offended ‘I’d never throw my babies away!’

They all laughed again and once again Rey felt that it was a right place for her. She would do anything to stay there as long as she could. 

 


	14. ...walking into it with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New chapter for you! I know it's not long, but I guess short chapters are easier for me, hope you don't mind :)   
> Big thank you to all of you, thank you so much for sticking with the story, it really means a lot.  
> This chapter starts right when the last one ends.
> 
> Can anyone guess what book Rey's reading in this chapter? :D

 

They were still on a back porch, laughing at Finn’s ridiculous jokes when they heard car stopping in front of the house. They wondered who it could be, but they agreed that it was probably some really late guest and they forgot about it for the next few minutes. 

But then there was a harsh sound of breaking glass. They sat in confused silence for a second before they got up and rushed inside, straight to the room where everybody was gathered. As they entered Finn, who was walking right before her, stopped suddenly, so it took Rey a few more moments to see what it all was about. There was a tall man standing in the middle of the room, dark curls falling on his shoulders. Rey could only see his back, as he was facing people on the other side of the room. Everyone looked stunned, even shocked. Mrs Leia looked as if she was to faint, a broken glass laying at her feet. Mr Solo was standing close, one step before her, as if he was ready to protect her from the stranger.

The tension was almost visible and Rey didn’t dare to speak or move. She could how tensed Finn’s shoulders were and she had no idea what to do. 

It felt like an hours, before mr Solo finally spoke, turning slightly to his guests.

‘Could you leave us for a moment?’ he askep politely and his friends all nodded quietly and left the room through the second door, so they didn’t pass next to Finn, Poe and Rey. Then mr Solo raised his head and looked briefly at Finn, as if he was telling him something. Apparently Finn understood the message, because he moved to stand at his parents side, giving Rey an unreadable look. 

‘I’m glad to see you all together.’ the man spoke, his voice low and melodic. Rey could feel a shiver running down her spine, as if there was something dangerous in that man. She could sense some darkness that was making her anxious, so she was glad when she felt Poe’s reassuring hand on her shoulder. 

‘Ben.’ mrs Leia sobbed suddenly and rushed to the tall man, closing him in a tight embrace, and Rey realized that it was Finn’s brother, Ben, the one he hadn’t seen for two past years. The secene in front of her seemed very intimate for her now, so she turned around and looked at Poe, who understood her without words. They both left the room quietly and went to the kitchen. 

Maz was already there, pacing nervously around the table. Through the window they could some some of the guests smoking cigaretts and gesturing vigorously. 

‘What’s happening in there?’ Maz asked impatiently. She looked nervous, as if she was predicting that something bad was going to happen. 

‘I don’t know, Maz.’ Peo sighed, sitting down on a chair ‘We left them alone to figure it out in a family.’

‘Yes, good.’ Maz nodded, still looking nervous ‘I almost got a heartattack when I saw him.’ she glared outisde and sighed ‘I guess I’ll go and tell our guests to go home, I think the party’s over.’ she grabbed a can with cookies and left. 

Rey poured two glasses of juice and sat down in front of Poe, sliding one glass towards him.

‘Thanks.’ he said as he took it ‘I’d ask for something stronger, but I’ll have to drive mom home. I need to find her soon, by the way.’

Rey nodded, her mind occupied with what was happening in the other room. She was still a bit shocked with the way the evening turned out. Of course she was happy that Ben was back; she knew how much it meant to Finn and she could see how important it was for mr and mrs Solo. Well obviously, he was their son. But she still remembered that weird vibe she got when she had heard him. She was probably wrong though. She didn’t know anything about him.

‘What’s he like?’ she asked and Poe shrugged his shoulders. 

‘He was a normal kid. Maybe a bit moody, prefered his own company. Some years ago he got involved in some weird sect and disappeared.’ Poe sighed and glared at his hands ‘I just really hope he’s not gonna hurt them again. They were devastated.’

‘Yeah, I hope so too.’ Rey said honestly. There was something about Ben that was making her anxious. Mayby it was just her suspicious nature that didn’t let her trust people easily. Maybe it all would be good now.

‘I need to go get my mom.’ Poe sighed and stood up ‘Keep me updated, okay?’

‘Sure.’ 

Poe left and Rey sat alone for a few more minutes before she decided to go to her room. She really wanted to check on Finn, but she figured he was too occupied with the return of his brother. 

She took a shower and changed into her pyjamas. She knew she wouldn’t fall asleep so she grabbed a book and settled in her bed. She tried to focus on a book despite her nerves, and after some time she was travelling right with Axl and Beatrice. The book calmed her down and helped her to wait patiently for sleep to come. 

But sleep had no chance to come, because after half an hour there was a soft knock on the door and Finn appeared at her doorstep. 

‘Hi.’ he said quietly and made his way to Rey’s bed, sitting carefully right next to her. 

‘Hey.’ she answered, putting the book down on a blanket ‘How are you?’

‘I’m good.’ Finn said and he sounded tired ‘I think you know already but that was Ben.’

‘I figured.’ 

She took his hand in hers and looked him in the eyes, waiting for him to say something more. He exhaled deeply before he spoke again.

‘I really can’t believe that he’s here. That after such a long time he just walks in like nothing had happened. But I’m happy that he’s back.’ he looked at Rey and smiled briefly ‘Now we can be family again.’

‘Everything will be fine.’ Rey said, moving a bit closer to him. He smiled again, more wide this time.

‘I know it will. We haven’t talked too much today, he was pretty tired after journey- he said he was travelling for a long time- but promised to talk to us tomorrow. He...’ he stopped for a moment before he continued ‘He seems a bit different. Calmer. More open.’

‘That’s good.’

‘Yeah. It’s very good.’ he looked at her, that warm light yet again shining in his eyes, and Rey couldn’t stop herself from kissing him briefly, just for a few seconds. Once again she thought how great it was to have him so close, to feel that warm energy radiating from him and going right into her heart.

‘You should go to sleep.’ Finn muttered, resting his forehead against hers for a second.

Rey shrugged her shoulders.

‘I got caught up in a book. I wouldn’t fall asleep anyway, there was too much going on in my head.’

‘What’s that?’ he asked, reaching for the book to see the title ‘Oh, that’s interesting.’

‘Just don’t tell me how it ends.’ Rey patted his shoulder playfully and he let out a short chuckle. That always made Rey feel warm; seeing his smile, hearing his soft laughter. She never believed that other person could bring her happiness, but there she was. It was miraculous to her, how everything could change so drastically. 

‘I’m so happy for you.’ she said quietly and Finn’s face lit up with a smile once again. 

‘That’s incredible, you know? To have him here. I guess my mom won’t be able to sleep this night.’

‘You should get some rest tho.’ she said and he nodded.

‘Yeah, that was a challenging day.’ he leaned in to kiss her forehed and stood up ‘Goodnight, Rey.’

There were suddenly some words at the end of Rey’s tongue, and they tasted like surprise and commitement, and Rey almost said them out loud.

‘Goodnight, Finn.’ she said instead, feeling her heart stuttering in her chest in a new rhytm.

 

 


	15. So drink 'til you can't think

 

Rey woke up earlier than usual, but instead of catching a few more minutes of sleep she dressed up and quietly went to the kitchen. She started to prepare some vegetables for breakfast; there was now one more person to feed and beside that, Maz could use more help than usual. Rey knew that Ben’s return had a big impact on her too, so she would probably be distracted.

She was almost finished when Maz entered the kitchen, surprised look on her face.

‘Rey, why are you up so early? You didn’t have to.’

Rey smiled and shrugged her shoulders. 

‘Just woke up earlier.’ 

Maz smiled at her and moved to open the fridge, examining what was inside. 

‘You’ll have to do some grocery shopping today, I’d like to prepare a salmon for dinner.’ she said, writing something on a small piece of paper ‘It’s Ben’s favourite dish.’ she said, but then her smile faltered a little ‘I hope it still is.’

Rey wasn’t sure if she should comment that in any way, if she should say something at all. She still wasn’t the best in dealing with delicate situations.

‘I see everyone missed him.’ she finally noted and Maz nodded, looking absent. 

‘He’s a good boy. He just got lost.’ she sighed and then looked at Rey, smiling softly ‘These Solo boys can steal your heart pretty easily.’ 

Rey’s own heart fluttered at her words and she was pretty sure that her cheeks turned pink. Luckily, Maz hadn’t noticed anything. 

‘I’m so glad they’re both home now.’ she sighed and started taking plates out of a cupboard ‘Now everything will be as it should.’

Rey had mixed feelings about that situation. Seeing how happy everyone was about Ben’s return, she felt that she had to be happy too, although she didn’t know him at all. And when she thought about tears in mrs Leila’s eyes and Finn’s wide smile, she just had to admit that it was good. It was great.

But at the same time there was something about Ben’s precence that worried her slightly, something she had sensed a day before. She had seen him only for a few short moments and she hadn’t even talked to him, but she couldn’t help that feeling she had.

She really hoped it would go away quickly. 

After preparing everything they ate a breakfast and then it was time to serve breakfast for the family. Rey stayed in the kitchen, as usual. She enjoyed her tasks in there and beside that, she could see that Maz couldn’t wait to see Ben again. She knew exactly how it was, she felt that way about Finn after all.

They cleaned up after breakfast and then Maz handed Rey a list of groceries to make and some money.

‘Hope you don’t mind going.’ she said and Rey smiled in response.

‘You know that I love shopping in the village.’ 

The village was such a nice and calm place it was a pleasure to go there. Rey was already almost freinds with the nice owner of the grocery store. Back in London everyone was a stranger and besides that, she didn’t have any intention in making friends with anyone. But now it was changing, she was getting more and more open, and she actually enjoyed talking and meeting with other people.

It was still new, but so welcoming change. 

Rey left the house with a light soul and smile on her lips; it was still very warm outside, so she enjoyed sunlight on her skin and slight wind in her hair. She liked summer, but she also couldn’t wait to see autumn and winter in the countryside. In London it was always dark, cold and grey, and she couldn’t wait to see all the colors of tree and grass.

‘Going to make some shopping?’ someone asked and Rey almost jumped, surprised. 

Ben was sitting under a tree right next to a fence, staring at her openly. 

‘Yes.’ she said carefully. There was that vibe again, something she couldn’t name but didn’t like. 

‘I’ll go with you.’ he decided, standing up, and Rey smiled through gritted teeth.

‘You don’t have to.’

‘Well I’d like to.’

She was in no position to forbid him following her so she just turned around and walked, hoping that maybe he wouldn’t go after her. 

He did.

‘I’m Ben.’ he said as he walked by her side. ‘Solo.’

‘Rey.’ she said shortly. She didn’t want to be rude, but she didn’t feel comfortable aroud him and she couldn’t help it. She hoped she would get used to him soon.

‘How long are you working here?’

‘About six months.’

They walked in silence for a bit; Rey noticed that Ben was looking around with interest, as if he was checking if anything had changed while he was gone. Rey used that moment to get a better look at him; he was obviously very tall, but she thought that he was too skinny. Probably his lifestyle for the past few years wasn’t too healthy, because his face looked too pale and his hair, although pretty long for a guy, seemed weak. 

She suddenly wondered if Ben knew about Finn’s injury; the accident had happened after Ben’s disappearnace and they probably hadn’t talked about that yet. Rey realized how complicated that whole situation was. Sure, Ben was back and his family couldn’t be happier, but they had so much to deal with now. They had to talk about why he had left, they had to talk about where he had been and what had happened. 

Shopping went smoothly and quickly; strangely, no one seemed to recognize Ben, which was a bit weird, but on the other hand, they didn’t meet a lot of people. Ben wasn’t talking at all now and Rey gladly agreed to silence. 

When they reached the house Rey immediately spotted mrs Leia, who was walking around nervously. When she saw them her face melted into relief.

‘I was wondering where did you disappear.’ she said when they approached her, her hand touching Ben’s shoulder. Rey realized that she was probably terrified when she couldn’t find Ben this morning; after what had happened and that undexpected comeback, she was probably scared that he would leave again. 

‘I just wanted to go for a little trip to the village and I decided to keep Rey company.’ Ben explained and mrs Leia smiled at his words.

‘I see you’ve met Rey. She’s our treasure.’ 

Rey felt warm all over her body, mrs Leia’s words settling somewhere deep in her chest. It was so good to her something like that, it was making her feel safe, as if it was a promise. 

‘I’m gonna go get this to the kitchen.’ she smiled brightly at mrs Leia and Ben and went inside.

‘Did you get everything?’ Maz asked and Rey nodded, putting bags down on the counter. ‘Great, so we can start with lunch. It’s not a lot of work though, so maybe you could clean up upstairs?’

‘Of course.’ Rey nodded. As much as she liked working in a kitchen, she also enjoyed other houseworks. 

‘Oh, wait!’ Maz waved at her when she was about to leave the kitchen and go to grab a broom ‘Finn stopped by before going to Poe's and he left this for you.’ she handed Rey a book, small smile playing on her lips. Rey’s heart picked up, as she took the book and tried not to run with it immediately.

‘Thanks.’ she said, but Maz was looking at her still and Rey felt urge to explain herself ‘He recommends me some books I should read. I’m far behind.’

‘That’s nice of him.’ Maz smiled even wider and Rey nodded, already walking backwards. 

‘I’m gonna go start cleaning.’ she said quickly and almost run out of the kitchen. 

She hid in a small library upstairs; she knew she didn’t have much time, but she just couldn’t wait to have a peek at the book she had in her hands. Finn would do that, from time to time- hand her a book with that mysterious smile on his face. That was just one of many things that would make her grin, her heart speeding up a little. Finn was usually putting there small pieces of paper with some funny or sweet messages. 

Rey looked at the cover; the image on it looked pretty familiar, and when se saw the author’s name she had to smile slightly. She just had eneded reading another book of that author and she was curious to read more. 

There was a piece of paper somewhere in the middle and Rey’s heart sped up.

_ Meet me after dinner in our spot? _

The question mark made Rey chuckle softly; it was so Finn- like, not to tell her what to do, but to be all about giving her space and making her comfortable. Sometimes she wondered how did she deserve him, that boy with the kindest of hearts. 

Rey sighed quiestly and hid the book on the lowest shelf; she had a feeling that no one would even look there, and she would come back for it as soon as she was done with her duties.

After what it felt like years Rey was finally free, rushing through the garden; everything was so peaceful, drowned in soft orange light of a sunset. It was making Rey feel so calm, as if she was right in the place she had to be. 

Finn was already waiting for her, his face lightning up with a smile when he saw her. 

‘Hey.’ he muttered right before she leaned in to kiss him. 

She wondered if the butterflies she felt everytime they touched would ever disappear.

‘How was today?’ she breathed out when she pulled away a little, feeling laughter bubbling somewhere deep in her throat. 

‘Awesome.’ he manages to say before pulling her into another kiss. 

Now Rey couldn’t help but chuckle against his mouth, feeling ridiculously happy and so in her place. 


	16. Pretend I'm what you choose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see! My laptop died, and with him all my old works and drafts, so I was in hell.

 

Sometimes Rey looked at Finn and wondered how did he manage to stay the way he was, despite everything he had been through. He was oozing with kindness, his smile so bright and honest it could light up an entire room. 

Rey smiled to herself as she opened the book he had given her, excitement buzzing in her veins. There were only a few things better than reading books in a bed, and all of them included Finn. But there was something so special and intimate about Rey being all by herself, transferring into someone else’s life through the sheets of paper. She looked for that small note that Finn had left her and she was a bit surprised when she found in a middle of the book while she was sure she had sticked it behind the cover. She shrugged her shoulders, deciding that she thought wrong, and she dived right into the story.

It had been a few days since Ben’s coming back and Rey finally started slowly warming up to him. She still wasn’t fully comfortable in his presence, but she managed to stay nice to him and they even made a small talk a few times. It was not only about her, but also about him. It seemed that he softened a little and she could see glimpses of kindness behind his dark broodyness. He would sometimes come to the kitchen, looking slightly unimpressed as Maz tried to engage him into a conversation. At least he tried, and his efforts were causing Rey to giggle silently over whatever she was doing.

It was also good to see how Finn and Ben were getting closer to each other. After what Finn had told her about his relationship with his brother, Rey thought they would be more distant. So it was heartwarming to her to see how they would sit in the garner or in the corner of a living room, talking about something in hushed voices. 

Finn didn’t say exactly what they were talking about, but he mentioned that Ben started to open up about what had been happening to him while he was gone. She could see flickers of pain and sadness in Finn’s eyes when he was talking about it. Rey didn’t press him to tell her anything, just as he wasn’t forcing her to do anything.

That was somethig she appreciated so much about their relationship- that silent understaning they shared for each other, respect for their boundries. Their lives- although still so short- were complicated and filled with more pain and experience that anyone would want. And maybe that was what was driving them closer with each day- knowledge, that they could rely on each other, that they could trust in their connection. It wasn’t as scary as it had used to be, too. Somewhere along the way Rey had lost that gripping fear of getting close to people. And Rey could feel it in her bones that one day- soon- she would tell him about every detail of her past and maybe he would trust her enough to show her the scar on his back.

Days passed and the weather started to change; now Rey could observe from her room how leaves started to get a bit more yellow with every morning. It was raining almost everyday, a soft sound of drops hitting windows constant in the background. She and Finn couldn’t run away to their favourite spot as much as they would like to, but they still managed to spend some time together. They didn’t even be so sevretive about it; they often just sat by the kitchen table with cups of tea and talked about everything. Sometimes Maz or mrs Leia would come and listen for a moment to their heated discussion about books or anything else. In the moments of being alone they would steal a few soft kisses, giggling quietly if someone almost caught them. 

Rey still wasn’t sure when they should make it “official” or how would everyone react. She knew that they cared for her and treated her more or less like a member of a family. But still, she was a stranger, a poor orphan with mysteries from the past. These thoughts were sometimes setting pressure in her chest, a plant of doubt, but she always managed to shove these thoughts to the back of her head and just go with the flow.

‘Pssst.’ Rey heard behind her and she turned around to face Finn, who stood behind her with a broad smile on his face. Rey would love to hug him, but her hands were currently wet from washing dishes ‘I’ve a proposition for you.’ he said and Rey raised her eyebrow in anticipation.

‘What kind of proposition?’

‘My parents are taking Ben to see some doctors and they’ll be back tomorrow afternoon.’

‘Oh really?’

‘So I thought I’d invite you for a movie night. Sadly, I can’t take you to a cinema right now, so my room has to be enough.’ he scratched his head, as if he was feeling slightly embarassed ‘But only if you want to.’ he added, looking at her with a slight smile. 

‘I’d love to.’ Rey smiled brightly; she wasn’t a big movie person, but it was mostly because she had never had an opportunity. But now it was different and even that small, seemingly stupid thing was making her so excited.

Finn beamed at her response.

‘I’ll pick something good.’ he promised her and she smiled even wider.

‘I know.’

It struck Rey as she was doing her last task in the kitchen. 

It was a date. Like, a real date, so she probably shouldn’t go in her simple work outfit. She knew that it was nothing big and Finn wouldn’t mind it for sure, but still. It was something special and she would like to look nice. She went through her wardrobe in her mind and she cringed slightly; it was funny though- she had never cared too much about her looks but now she had this weird urge to look nice. 

She finished her work quickly and went straight to her bedroom. She opened her wardrobe and spent embarassingly long time choosing what she was going to wear. It was funny; it felt both important and stupid; they weren’t even going out. 

She finally decided on her old, but comfy jeans, and a t-shirt she had bough recently. She glared at her reflection in the mirror and she giggled. 

She tried not to run upstairs because really, it shouldn’t be that exciting, right?

‘Hi.’ Finn smiled to her when he opened the door and let her in inside. Rey almost laughed when she saw how nice the place looked. Finn wasn’t a messy person, but it was still unusually tidy, everything perfectly in place. The curtains were drawn, but a night lamp was on, joined by the light of a few candles. 

‘Oh, this is romantic.’ she said, looking around with curiosity. Her eyes stopped on Finn’s desk and she saw bags of potatoe crisps and cola bottles stocked there and she bursted into laugh.

She turned to Finn, who was looking at her with a bashful smile. 

‘I love it.’ she said and he grinned. 

They sat on his bed and Finn opened his laptop. 

‘So, I’ve thought very hard about what to show you.’ his smile turned nervous for a second ‘Have you ever seen  _ Lord of the rings _ ?’

‘I’ve heard about it, obviously.’ Rey shrugged her shoulders ‘But I’ve never had an opportunity.’ she suddenly felt slightly embarassed of herself, but Finn touched her hand lightly.

‘Hey, no worries. I still haven’t watched  _ Titanic. _ ’

Rey gasped in pretended offence.

‘Even I’ve watched that!’

‘See, no judgement!’ Finn raised his hands.

Three hours later Rey was the biggest Frodo stan, ranting so passionately Finn started laughing at some point.

‘Don’t laugh!’ she hit him with a pillow ‘This is tragic! He’s more tragic than Hamlet! And I’ve seen only one movie!’

‘Now I don’t know if you should watch the next two.’ Finn chuckled and Rey gasped, pillow landing on his head ‘Okay, okay, fine, next time we’re watching the next one!’ he promised and Rey felt warmth spreading in her chest at his words.

Finn walked Rey to her room and kissed her goodnight, and everything was exactly how it should be. 

She was in a great mood all next day, smiling brightly to everything and everyone, humming cheerful melodies and drawing amused glances from Maze. She was feeling light and cheerful, and she didn’t expect anything bad to happen.

‘Rey, can we talk?’ 

She almost jumped, surprised, and turned around to see Ben standing by the door. 

‘Yeah, I guess.’ she said carefully ‘What about?’

Ben smiled, but it wasn’t a reassuring smile, and it made Rey shiver.

‘About you and my brother.’


	17. 'cause I can't stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda short but full of feels! Thank you so much for sticking with this story, you're the best <3

 

Rey’s stomach turned as she stared at Ben, trying to make sense of what he had just said.

‘What?’ she asked weakly and Ben smiled at her again.

‘I know that you and Finn... what you are, exactly? A couple?’

His smile was cruel and Rey felt sick. Her thoughts were running around in panic. How did he know? What would he do now?

‘Whatever it is, I don’t like it.’ Ben said lightly, as if he was talking about weather ‘You've two days to end this or I’m telling my parents.’ his eyes swept over Rey’s silhouette, his gaze dark ‘I’ll tell them I stay only if you go, so I guess it’s better for you to choose right.’ he turned around to walk away and Rey found her voice in that moment.

‘Why?’ she asked, her voice hoarse.

Ben shrugged his shoulders.

‘You don’t need my explanation.’

‘You want to ruin my life and you don’t even have a reason?’ she spat out and he snorted.

‘Don’t be dramatic. I know girls like you, you’ll always find a way to get by.’ he said and Rey felt her blood turning into ice. Ben left and she was still standing unmoved, her heart beating wildly and her stomach clenching painfully. There was a million questions in her head, but for most she was scared. She was absolutely and utterly terrified.

‘Rey? Are you okay?’

Rey blinked and saw Maz, who was standing in front of her, her face full of concern.

‘I’m fine.’ she managed to say, but her voice failed her, cracking.

‘You’re so pale.’ Maz said, her hand touching Rey’s forehead gently ‘You know what, go and rest, I’ll take care of everything.

‘No, I-’

‘Out of the kitchen, now.’ Maz said, smiling at her slightly, and Rey knew that it wasn’t under discussion. To be honest, sh was grateful for a chance to sit in silence and calm storm raging in her head. She got to her room on wobbly legs and once she was inside, she let out a shuddering breathe and slumped on her bed.

It wasn’t making any sense. Why Ben was like that? Why was he so against her relationship with Finn? Ben had said _I know girls like you_ ; what it ment? What did ke know about her? She bit her lips, trying to stop herself from crying. She had to calm down and think about it.

And most importantly, she had to talk to Finn.

Then a thought appeared in Rey’s mind, making her feel like freezing once again.

What if Finn wouldn’t believe her? What is Ben said that he hadn’t given her that ultimatum? It was her word against his. Rey took a deep breath, trying to slow her raging heartbeat down.

‘It’ll be fine.’ she told herself firmly.

She didn’t have any other choice anyway.

 

Rey didn’t even have to think about finding Finn, because he knocked to her door a bit after lunch time.

‘Maz told me you weren't feeling okay.’ he said with concern, his hand gently cupping Rey’s face ‘Everything alright?’

Rey leaned into the touch, letting out a quiet sigh.

‘We need to talk.’

Finn frowned, looking openly worried. Rey took his hand and guided him to sat on the bed.

‘I talked with Ben today.’ she said, choosing the words carefully ‘He, umm, knows about us.’

‘Oh.’ Finn opened his mouth in surprise ‘How does he know?’

‘I don’t know. But he... he says we have to break up or he’ll tell your parents.’

‘What?!’ Finn looked at her with disbelief ‘It’s impossible.’

‘It’s true, I swear.’ she said through her clenched throat and Finn shook his head.

‘I mean, I know you’re not lying, but I can’t believe... Maybe you misunderstood him?’

‘No, Finn.’ she said quietly ‘That’s what he said.’

They were silent for a moment and then Finn sighed tiredly.

‘I need to talk to him.’ he said, standing up, but Rey grabbed his hand quickly.

‘Wait.’ she swallowed hard ‘Before you do that, I need to talk to you.’

‘About what?’

Rey looked away, her heart beating wildly.

‘About my past.’

There was a soft touch on her face as he gently made her look at him.

‘You know you don’t have to, right?’

‘I do. Because I think Ben wants to use it.’ she winced and Finn sighed softly.

‘Okay.’ he sat down next to Rey, squeezing her hand reassuringly. She swallowed hard, feeling anxious, but she knew that was the right thing to do and she wanted to do it quickly. Part of her was telling her that she was overreacting- that she hadn’t done anything unforgivable, but still, she was feeling unsure.

‘You know that I’m an orphan already.’ she started and Finn nodded silently ‘When I turned six, they put me in a foster family. But they... they weren’t good people.’ she winced at the memory ‘They kept me and a few other kids only because it was bringing him money from social service.’ she glared at Finn and took a deap breath ‘They taught us to steal.’ she muttered and she felt Finn’s grip on her hand tightening ‘It was mostly older people.’ she added weakly ‘I ran away from them when I was fifteen.’

She didn’t have enough courage to look at him, terrified to see his reaction. She felt tears prickling in the corners of her eyes, but then there was Finn’s arm aroud her shoulders, pulling her to his chest.

’It’s okay.’ he whispered into her hair and a few tears fell down her face finally ‘It’s not your fault, okay?’

‘I know.’ she sniffled against his shirt ‘But I still feel horrible.’

‘What did you do after leaving that family?’

‘I was homeless, for some time.’ she mumbled ‘It was hard, but I never- I never did that again.’ she felt her face burning, old shame creeping on her cheeks and filling her chest with guilt.

They fell silent after that, the room filled with the sound of rain hitting the window and her wild heartbeat.

Rey was terrified.

But then Finn exhaled deeply, his hand tangling in her hair, the other one coming to touch her face.

‘Rey, look at me.’ he said softly, facing her, but she was unable to meet his gaze ‘Hey.’

‘I’m sorry.’ she said quietly and Finn shook his head.

‘You don’t have anything to apologize for. We all have a past, right? Nothing of that was your fault. You can’t torment yourself because of that.’

‘But-‘

‘No, please. I’ll go to talk to Ben now, and if I have to, I’ll tell my parents everything myself.’

‘I don’t want to make anyone choose.’ Rey whispered through her clenched throat. She knew that if Ben told his parents it was him or her, the answer was obvious.

‘He’s my brother and I love him, probably more than he’ll ever know.’ Finn said quietly, his thumb brushing away hair falling o her face. He swallowed visibly and leaned a bit closer, his lips only inches away from Rey’s.

‘But you know what?’ he asked in a whisper ‘I love you too.’

Rey’s heart stopped for a second, only to start beating wildly again.

It was suddenly too much, the emotions of the day catching up with full force and she wasn’t able to say a word, to move, she could just stare at Finn and hoping he would understand. And he did, as always.

‘It’s okay, you don’t have to say it back.’ he said, pressing a soft kiss to her lips ‘I know you love me too.’

And he was right.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Love you all!


End file.
